End of the Holiday Weekend

A lovely three-day weekend is drawing to a close and I’m dreading going back to work. I’m trying not to let work stress multiply in a way that makes everything seem bigger than it is. So my mantra is: Don’t let it matter more than it matters.

But that’s been difficult.

The short story is that I’ve been taken off responsibilities I enjoy and am good at and put on ones that I hate and am bad at, simply because it’s a job that’s a total mess and I have a history of success. I know part of what went into that decision is that about six months ago I took on an assignment that had gotten terribly bungled and I had it fixed up in no time. But that was editorial, this is far more technical. I hate technical work and am not very good at it. But there doesn’t seem to be another good candidate so I’m stuck. Regardless of the fact that the person who had it before me has a much better skill set and he couldn’t get it done.

So, you know, boo hoo for me. I know I’m still getting paid (and I’m 95% sure more layoffs are around the corner) and my boss likes me. But, while I’ll acknowledge that, I’m still pretty unhappy at work.

I’m fantasizing about taking a year off — just moving to our cabin in the woods and taking a whole year to write and think and rest and reject the corporate world. We could totally do it. It costs about $4,000 a year to live there. It belongs to my father, but he says that as far as he’s concerned it’s mine and we can move there tomorrow. I’d love to just sit deep in the woods and write not nearly as well as Thoreau. I don’t think Damon would dig it, and we’d have to sell our apartment, but I keep thinking of how I could make it work.

So maybe the answer is that I just need to start looking for another job for now. But I don’t even know what I want to do. I feel like I’d like to make a big change, not just take another editorial position. But doing something new without taking a major financial hit will prove difficult/impossible. But if we’re going to stay in NY (which we do like a lot) then I’ll need to keep up my salary.

I hate complaining and I feel guilty for doing it. Maybe this will get it out of my system, at least a little bit.

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