I’ve struggled today with how or if to write this post. As much as I would like to bulldoze forward, I think I will have to acknowledge my immediate past.
A terrifying January was punctuated by the suicide of my beloved stepdad.
There’s a huge story there, full of fearful decisions, crushing expenses and some very public disaster. Even in my current frame of mind, I know I’m overdrawn on my adjective account. But a stark noun just isn’t getting the job done today. I may tell that story here later. Probably I will. But tonight we’ve just gotten back into town, we have Chinese food in front of us and American Idol on the TV. I am whipped.
Alden is passed out on the couch next to me. He has stood up amazingly through six flights and 20+ hours in the car over the past 10 days. He’s been a bright spark of hope.
Right now we’re just dropping pebbles into a well, trying to fill that void.
jaysaint 
Posted by raving_liberal on February 17, 2008 at 4:43 am
I’m so sorry. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I’m glad that Alden was such a troop and at least made that part of this ordeal more bearable.
Posted by raving_liberal on February 17, 2008 at 4:43 am
I’m so sorry. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I’m glad that Alden was such a troop and at least made that part of this ordeal more bearable.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you for that. I know you understand just how buoyant a fat and happy baby boy can be.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you for that. I know you understand just how buoyant a fat and happy baby boy can be.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you for that. I know you understand just how buoyant a fat and happy baby boy can be.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you for that. I know you understand just how buoyant a fat and happy baby boy can be.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you for that. I know you understand just how buoyant a fat and happy baby boy can be.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you for that. I know you understand just how buoyant a fat and happy baby boy can be.
Posted by raving_liberal on February 17, 2008 at 4:43 am
I’m so sorry. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I’m glad that Alden was such a troop and at least made that part of this ordeal more bearable.
Posted by raving_liberal on February 17, 2008 at 4:43 am
I’m so sorry. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I’m glad that Alden was such a troop and at least made that part of this ordeal more bearable.
Posted by raving_liberal on February 17, 2008 at 4:43 am
I’m so sorry. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I’m glad that Alden was such a troop and at least made that part of this ordeal more bearable.
Posted by raving_liberal on February 17, 2008 at 4:43 am
I’m so sorry. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I’m glad that Alden was such a troop and at least made that part of this ordeal more bearable.
Posted by raving_liberal on February 17, 2008 at 4:43 am
I’m so sorry. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I’m glad that Alden was such a troop and at least made that part of this ordeal more bearable.
Posted by friendofjack on February 17, 2008 at 5:04 am
I am sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Posted by friendofjack on February 17, 2008 at 5:04 am
I am sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you.
Posted by friendofjack on February 17, 2008 at 5:04 am
I am sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Posted by friendofjack on February 17, 2008 at 5:04 am
I am sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Posted by friendofjack on February 17, 2008 at 5:04 am
I am sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Posted by friendofjack on February 17, 2008 at 5:04 am
I am sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Posted by friendofjack on February 17, 2008 at 5:04 am
I am sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Posted by geobabe1 on February 17, 2008 at 5:07 am
I’m so sorry.
Posted by geobabe1 on February 17, 2008 at 5:07 am
I’m so sorry.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Thank you.
Posted by geobabe1 on February 17, 2008 at 5:07 am
I’m so sorry.
Posted by geobabe1 on February 17, 2008 at 5:07 am
I’m so sorry.
Posted by geobabe1 on February 17, 2008 at 5:07 am
I’m so sorry.
Posted by geobabe1 on February 17, 2008 at 5:07 am
I’m so sorry.
Posted by geobabe1 on February 17, 2008 at 5:07 am
I’m so sorry.
Posted by lemon_says on February 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I’m just so sorry for your loss, and I’ve been thinking of you a lot.
Posted by lemon_says on February 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I’m just so sorry for your loss, and I’ve been thinking of you a lot.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I appreciate that. I have to tell you, too, that Alden wore his little blue sweater all over Cincinnati. I got so many compliments on it and it was always a nice reminder a happy outside world to be able to say, “A friend made that for him!” It’s kind of like a bolero jacket at this point. Later he’s going to wear it like a shrug and eventually I’ll make him put it on his head as a hat. And then we’ll save it to start all over with Camille.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I appreciate that. I have to tell you, too, that Alden wore his little blue sweater all over Cincinnati. I got so many compliments on it and it was always a nice reminder a happy outside world to be able to say, “A friend made that for him!” It’s kind of like a bolero jacket at this point. Later he’s going to wear it like a shrug and eventually I’ll make him put it on his head as a hat. And then we’ll save it to start all over with Camille.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I appreciate that. I have to tell you, too, that Alden wore his little blue sweater all over Cincinnati. I got so many compliments on it and it was always a nice reminder a happy outside world to be able to say, “A friend made that for him!” It’s kind of like a bolero jacket at this point. Later he’s going to wear it like a shrug and eventually I’ll make him put it on his head as a hat. And then we’ll save it to start all over with Camille.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I appreciate that. I have to tell you, too, that Alden wore his little blue sweater all over Cincinnati. I got so many compliments on it and it was always a nice reminder a happy outside world to be able to say, “A friend made that for him!” It’s kind of like a bolero jacket at this point. Later he’s going to wear it like a shrug and eventually I’ll make him put it on his head as a hat. And then we’ll save it to start all over with Camille.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I appreciate that. I have to tell you, too, that Alden wore his little blue sweater all over Cincinnati. I got so many compliments on it and it was always a nice reminder a happy outside world to be able to say, “A friend made that for him!” It’s kind of like a bolero jacket at this point. Later he’s going to wear it like a shrug and eventually I’ll make him put it on his head as a hat. And then we’ll save it to start all over with Camille.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I appreciate that. I have to tell you, too, that Alden wore his little blue sweater all over Cincinnati. I got so many compliments on it and it was always a nice reminder a happy outside world to be able to say, “A friend made that for him!” It’s kind of like a bolero jacket at this point. Later he’s going to wear it like a shrug and eventually I’ll make him put it on his head as a hat. And then we’ll save it to start all over with Camille.
Posted by lemon_says on February 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I’m just so sorry for your loss, and I’ve been thinking of you a lot.
Posted by lemon_says on February 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I’m just so sorry for your loss, and I’ve been thinking of you a lot.
Posted by lemon_says on February 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I’m just so sorry for your loss, and I’ve been thinking of you a lot.
Posted by lemon_says on February 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I’m just so sorry for your loss, and I’ve been thinking of you a lot.
Posted by lemon_says on February 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I’m just so sorry for your loss, and I’ve been thinking of you a lot.
Posted by baldsug on February 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm
So sorry, but thankful you do have that spark of hope in your lives.
Posted by baldsug on February 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm
So sorry, but thankful you do have that spark of hope in your lives.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Thank you. I am basking in that baby for sure.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Thank you. I am basking in that baby for sure.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Thank you. I am basking in that baby for sure.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Thank you. I am basking in that baby for sure.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Thank you. I am basking in that baby for sure.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Thank you. I am basking in that baby for sure.
Posted by baldsug on February 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm
So sorry, but thankful you do have that spark of hope in your lives.
Posted by baldsug on February 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm
So sorry, but thankful you do have that spark of hope in your lives.
Posted by baldsug on February 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm
So sorry, but thankful you do have that spark of hope in your lives.
Posted by baldsug on February 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm
So sorry, but thankful you do have that spark of hope in your lives.
Posted by baldsug on February 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm
So sorry, but thankful you do have that spark of hope in your lives.
Posted by kishenehn on February 17, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Oh, dear … I’m so very, very sorry. 😦
Posted by kishenehn on February 17, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Oh, dear … I’m so very, very sorry. 😦
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thanks so much.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thanks so much.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thanks so much.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thanks so much.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thanks so much.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thanks so much.
Posted by kishenehn on February 17, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Oh, dear … I’m so very, very sorry. 😦
Posted by kishenehn on February 17, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Oh, dear … I’m so very, very sorry. 😦
Posted by kishenehn on February 17, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Oh, dear … I’m so very, very sorry. 😦
Posted by kishenehn on February 17, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Oh, dear … I’m so very, very sorry. 😦
Posted by kishenehn on February 17, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Oh, dear … I’m so very, very sorry. 😦
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you for that. I know you understand just how buoyant a fat and happy baby boy can be.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I appreciate that. I have to tell you, too, that Alden wore his little blue sweater all over Cincinnati. I got so many compliments on it and it was always a nice reminder a happy outside world to be able to say, “A friend made that for him!” It’s kind of like a bolero jacket at this point. Later he’s going to wear it like a shrug and eventually I’ll make him put it on his head as a hat. And then we’ll save it to start all over with Camille.
Posted by jessity on February 17, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Ah, I’m so very sorry.
Posted by jessity on February 17, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Ah, I’m so very sorry.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thank you.
Posted by jessity on February 17, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Ah, I’m so very sorry.
Posted by jessity on February 17, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Ah, I’m so very sorry.
Posted by jessity on February 17, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Ah, I’m so very sorry.
Posted by jessity on February 17, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Ah, I’m so very sorry.
Posted by jessity on February 17, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Ah, I’m so very sorry.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Thank you. I am basking in that baby for sure.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thanks so much.
Posted by jaysaint on February 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Thank you.
Posted by cinnabari on February 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm
::hugs::
You’re in my thoughts.
Posted by cinnabari on February 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm
::hugs::
You’re in my thoughts.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:30 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:30 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:30 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:30 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:30 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:30 am
Thank you.
Posted by cinnabari on February 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm
::hugs::
You’re in my thoughts.
Posted by cinnabari on February 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm
::hugs::
You’re in my thoughts.
Posted by cinnabari on February 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm
::hugs::
You’re in my thoughts.
Posted by cinnabari on February 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm
::hugs::
You’re in my thoughts.
Posted by cinnabari on February 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm
::hugs::
You’re in my thoughts.
Posted by travellight on February 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by travellight on February 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:32 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:32 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:32 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:32 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:32 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:32 am
Thank you.
Posted by travellight on February 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by travellight on February 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by travellight on February 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by travellight on February 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by travellight on February 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by liddle_oldman on February 17, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Ooo, ouch. I’m so sorry.
Posted by liddle_oldman on February 17, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Ooo, ouch. I’m so sorry.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:33 am
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:33 am
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:33 am
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:33 am
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:33 am
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:33 am
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Posted by liddle_oldman on February 17, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Ooo, ouch. I’m so sorry.
Posted by liddle_oldman on February 17, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Ooo, ouch. I’m so sorry.
Posted by liddle_oldman on February 17, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Ooo, ouch. I’m so sorry.
Posted by liddle_oldman on February 17, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Ooo, ouch. I’m so sorry.
Posted by liddle_oldman on February 17, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Ooo, ouch. I’m so sorry.
Posted by steakums on February 18, 2008 at 1:02 am
I have no words – except that I love you, Damon and Alden an awful lot.
Posted by steakums on February 18, 2008 at 1:02 am
I have no words – except that I love you, Damon and Alden an awful lot.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:34 am
We’ll take that. It’s about the best thing we can hear, as a matter of fact.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:34 am
We’ll take that. It’s about the best thing we can hear, as a matter of fact.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:34 am
We’ll take that. It’s about the best thing we can hear, as a matter of fact.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:34 am
We’ll take that. It’s about the best thing we can hear, as a matter of fact.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:34 am
We’ll take that. It’s about the best thing we can hear, as a matter of fact.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:34 am
We’ll take that. It’s about the best thing we can hear, as a matter of fact.
Posted by steakums on February 18, 2008 at 1:02 am
I have no words – except that I love you, Damon and Alden an awful lot.
Posted by steakums on February 18, 2008 at 1:02 am
I have no words – except that I love you, Damon and Alden an awful lot.
Posted by steakums on February 18, 2008 at 1:02 am
I have no words – except that I love you, Damon and Alden an awful lot.
Posted by steakums on February 18, 2008 at 1:02 am
I have no words – except that I love you, Damon and Alden an awful lot.
Posted by steakums on February 18, 2008 at 1:02 am
I have no words – except that I love you, Damon and Alden an awful lot.
Posted by samae on February 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Wow – I’m so sorry for your loss.
Posted by samae on February 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Wow – I’m so sorry for your loss.
Posted by willowkitty on February 21, 2008 at 12:03 am
oh jesus.
Posted by willowkitty on February 21, 2008 at 12:03 am
oh jesus.
Posted by willowkitty on February 21, 2008 at 12:03 am
oh jesus.
Posted by willowkitty on February 21, 2008 at 12:03 am
oh jesus.
Posted by willowkitty on February 21, 2008 at 12:03 am
oh jesus.
Posted by willowkitty on February 21, 2008 at 12:03 am
oh jesus.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:36 am
Thank you. It’s much appreciated.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:36 am
Thank you. It’s much appreciated.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:36 am
Thank you. It’s much appreciated.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:36 am
Thank you. It’s much appreciated.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:36 am
Thank you. It’s much appreciated.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:36 am
Thank you. It’s much appreciated.
Posted by samae on February 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Wow – I’m so sorry for your loss.
Posted by samae on February 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Wow – I’m so sorry for your loss.
Posted by samae on February 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Wow – I’m so sorry for your loss.
Posted by samae on February 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Wow – I’m so sorry for your loss.
Posted by samae on February 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Wow – I’m so sorry for your loss.
Posted by willowkitty on February 21, 2008 at 12:03 am
oh jesus.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:30 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:32 am
Thank you.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:33 am
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:34 am
We’ll take that. It’s about the best thing we can hear, as a matter of fact.
Posted by jaysaint on February 21, 2008 at 3:36 am
Thank you. It’s much appreciated.