My Fanny Is Famous

Or it will be in October.

Today I spent the day as a “model” for our Best Jeans for Your Butt feature.

This is my very first fasion shoot, and here are a few observations…

The models were surprisingly, disconcertingly nice. There were both “real women” and models there for the shoot. As soon as I walked in one of the models — a zillion feet tall, 90 pounds, gorgeous, the works — said, “Hey! I like your skirt!” and she went on to be just that friendly. I sat at a table with three stunning models and we were all thumbing through celebrity magazines. One of the tabloids had a photo of Reese Witherspoon with a little belly on her, and theorized that she should hit the gym. All the models were united in their irritation and said a lot along the lines of “She’s so beautiful” and “They need to get off her back, she’s just fine the way she is.” I kept wondering if they were that nice in high school. I mean, they haven’t been out that long. Every single one of them was lovely, cheerful and very supportive of the non-models. The two things that make this all at least slightly more plausible are: 1. Redbook hires slightly non-traditional models in that we don’t use the pubescent blondies and 2. These are not catwalk models, who I suppose are the modeling elite and possibly more horrible.

There is no swifter route to awkward and self concious than to be placed between two professional models — shoulder to shoulder — in 4-inch heels and then be asked to leap forward, twist backward and smile. Leaping. 4-inch heels. Not my finest moment. And I can tell you for sure that it wasn’t, because we were made to do it about a hundred times. And clearly, I was the problem.

I kind of enjoyed being treated like an object. I’m so used to having to do the thinking. So I enjoyed being treated as a prop. At one point the fashion director was trying to explain to the photographer what she wanted from pictures of me. She walked up and grabbed a handful of my shirt and said, “See, she’s got this tiny little waist and then a few inches down BOOM!(smacks me full on the ass) white girl bubble butt.

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51 responses to this post.

  1. You must remind me when the issue comes out. I read it when I’m at my mom’s and I’m going to look for you. That’s so nifty!

    Reply

  2. You must remind me when the issue comes out. I read it when I’m at my mom’s and I’m going to look for you. That’s so nifty!

    Reply

    • I’m sure my cringing reaction will make it to the blog. I haven’t seen the photos yet, but I have threatened the fashion assistant that I’m entering the witness protection program.

      Reply

    • I’m sure my cringing reaction will make it to the blog. I haven’t seen the photos yet, but I have threatened the fashion assistant that I’m entering the witness protection program.

      Reply

  3. You must remind me when the issue comes out. I read it when I’m at my mom’s and I’m going to look for you. That’s so nifty!

    Reply

  4. This is one of the proudest moments in my friendship history. I’m going to buy it and put it on the bulletin board, with the page that has your name on it that’s already there.

    Reply

  5. This is one of the proudest moments in my friendship history. I’m going to buy it and put it on the bulletin board, with the page that has your name on it that’s already there.

    Reply

  6. This is one of the proudest moments in my friendship history. I’m going to buy it and put it on the bulletin board, with the page that has your name on it that’s already there.

    Reply

  7. Did you hang up the page that has her name by the word DIRECTOR? I was pleased when I saw that.

    Reply

  8. I did. And soon her butt’s going to be right beside it.

    Reply

  9. haha
    sounds like you had a fabulous day!

    Reply

  10. haha
    sounds like you had a fabulous day!

    Reply

  11. haha
    sounds like you had a fabulous day!

    Reply

  12. You do realize that now, EVERYONE on your flist is going to buy this issue to look at your fanny.

    You should charge your boss for the marketing!

    Reply

  13. You do realize that now, EVERYONE on your flist is going to buy this issue to look at your fanny.

    You should charge your boss for the marketing!

    Reply

    • I’d like to see how you explain to your friends why you have a Redbook on your coffee table. Not that it’s not the hippest, most happening magazine around. Because it is.

      Reply

      • Oh, lass. You only say that because you don’t know me better. Trust me, I won’t say that those near and dear to me won’t atleast raise eyebrows at it, but I could offer them any explanation short of “Well, I’ve decided to save up for a sex-change operation and become a suburban housewife and I’m getting ahead on the reading” will be met with a simple “Oh, right. Okay.”

      • We would definitely be the magazine of record for sex-change facilitation. And we’re good for so much more than just suburban housewives.

      • We would definitely be the magazine of record for sex-change facilitation.
        You’d think I’d have known that.

      • Well I did send you a subscription.

      • But you sent one too…what are you trying to tell her?

      • Same thing I tell everyone: at REDBOOK we’re here to support you in being the woman you want to be, and the woman you’ve worked so hard to become.

      • Same thing I tell everyone: at REDBOOK we’re here to support you in being the woman you want to be, and the woman you’ve worked so hard to become.

      • But you sent one too…what are you trying to tell her?

      • Well I did send you a subscription.

      • We would definitely be the magazine of record for sex-change facilitation.
        You’d think I’d have known that.

      • We would definitely be the magazine of record for sex-change facilitation. And we’re good for so much more than just suburban housewives.

      • Oh, lass. You only say that because you don’t know me better. Trust me, I won’t say that those near and dear to me won’t atleast raise eyebrows at it, but I could offer them any explanation short of “Well, I’ve decided to save up for a sex-change operation and become a suburban housewife and I’m getting ahead on the reading” will be met with a simple “Oh, right. Okay.”

    • I’d like to see how you explain to your friends why you have a Redbook on your coffee table. Not that it’s not the hippest, most happening magazine around. Because it is.

      Reply

  14. You do realize that now, EVERYONE on your flist is going to buy this issue to look at your fanny.

    You should charge your boss for the marketing!

    Reply

  15. Ha! You and Kendra Myers – famous magazine models!

    Reply

  16. Ha! You and Kendra Myers – famous magazine models!

    Reply

  17. Ha! You and Kendra Myers – famous magazine models!

    Reply

  18. I’m sure my cringing reaction will make it to the blog. I haven’t seen the photos yet, but I have threatened the fashion assistant that I’m entering the witness protection program.

    Reply

  19. You are too brilliant. I am simulatneously tickled and chagrined.

    Reply

  20. I’d like to see how you explain to your friends why you have a Redbook on your coffee table. Not that it’s not the hippest, most happening magazine around. Because it is.

    Reply

  21. Kendra would be rightly offended by your comment. She is a cover girl. I am a lowly fashion spread model.

    Reply

  22. Oh, lass. You only say that because you don’t know me better. Trust me, I won’t say that those near and dear to me won’t atleast raise eyebrows at it, but I could offer them any explanation short of “Well, I’ve decided to save up for a sex-change operation and become a suburban housewife and I’m getting ahead on the reading” will be met with a simple “Oh, right. Okay.”

    Reply

  23. We would definitely be the magazine of record for sex-change facilitation. And we’re good for so much more than just suburban housewives.

    Reply

  24. We would definitely be the magazine of record for sex-change facilitation.
    You’d think I’d have known that.

    Reply

  25. Well I did send you a subscription.

    Reply

  26. But you sent one too…what are you trying to tell her?

    Reply

  27. Same thing I tell everyone: at REDBOOK we’re here to support you in being the woman you want to be, and the woman you’ve worked so hard to become.

    Reply

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