Transition

Damon and I went to an adoption seminar this week at the Jewish Community Center.

A sidebar: The JCC is a gorgeous facility on the UWS, decorated with a necklace of crash barriers to keep people from blowing it up with car bombs. In Manhattan. If Jews aren’t safe here, I don’t know where. And that made me sad.

Anyway. We went in promising each other that we would go in totally blank slates. The seminar was to cover both domestic and international, any and every country.

The facilitator started out the session saying, “I know that this seems like an obvious thing. But I want to say it anyway. I’ve worked with thousands of families as an adoption coordinator over 20 years. (beat) You will love your adopted child as much, in every way, as you do your biological child.” This kicked off my first tearful moment of the evening.

Sidebar: I am not a tearful person. My best friend actually complains that she has only seen my cry once (at the death of my beloved cat) and I’ve seen her cry about a bazillion times. So my “tearful moments” are usually small enough that no one even notices. But I will try to be painfully honest in this journal, so I will tell you that I had them. Sometimes.

Anyway, back to the blank slate.

Domestic adoption is not for us. We really were open to it going in, but we just got it confirmed that we don’t want to do that. So we’re back to China. Which is funny, because I still can’t fully articulate why, as opposed to other countries. I mean, I can give you some very good, rational reasons. But a big chunk of it is simply that when you say, “…adoption from Russia” I just don’t feel anything. And when you say “…adoption from China” I feel hugely compelled. Damon says he has the same experience.

So now we’re investigating what agency we’d like to use. And while we’re not going to go back on birth control, we’re going to just put aside all of the temperature taking and date watching and sex timing. Which is a huge, huge relief to me. I’ll keep my doctor’s appointment on the 8th, but I’m happy to be free of the tyranny of my ovaries. I would like to have a baby, clearly. But I believe what our facilitator says. And that Chinese baby will be my baby, and that will work fine for me.

All of this depends on Damon and I continuing to get along. You probably didn’t notice, but I paused in the middle of this entry to argue with Damon about why boxing is stupid and I think he’s holding a grudge.

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18 responses to this post.

  1. Boxing is stupid.
    A child you adopt from China will be as much yours as a biological one. I’ve read several things recently about Chinese adoptions–it’s extremely common around here–and since seeing the book Mei Mei (by Half the Sky Foundation) I have hoped that P and I will be able to do that eventually. I wish you the absolute best with this.

    Reply

  2. Boxing is stupid.
    A child you adopt from China will be as much yours as a biological one. I’ve read several things recently about Chinese adoptions–it’s extremely common around here–and since seeing the book Mei Mei (by Half the Sky Foundation) I have hoped that P and I will be able to do that eventually. I wish you the absolute best with this.

    Reply

    • Mei Mei is a beautiful book. I see those pictures and want to snap them all up and carry them all on my hip all the time.
      Thank you for the good wishes. I you do decide to do it yourself some day I look forward to cheering you on.

      Reply

    • Mei Mei is a beautiful book. I see those pictures and want to snap them all up and carry them all on my hip all the time.
      Thank you for the good wishes. I you do decide to do it yourself some day I look forward to cheering you on.

      Reply

  3. Boxing is stupid.
    A child you adopt from China will be as much yours as a biological one. I’ve read several things recently about Chinese adoptions–it’s extremely common around here–and since seeing the book Mei Mei (by Half the Sky Foundation) I have hoped that P and I will be able to do that eventually. I wish you the absolute best with this.

    Reply

  4. How very exciting!

    Reply

  5. How very exciting!

    Reply

  6. How very exciting!

    Reply

  7. And I’ll along with boxing is stupid… although I’d lean towards “odd”.

    Reply

  8. Tell Damon that boxing is stupid – but if he want to come to my house and let me pound my fist into his head a few times, I’m happy to do it.
    Very exciting news that the adoption plans are rolling!

    Reply

  9. Tell Damon that boxing is stupid – but if he want to come to my house and let me pound my fist into his head a few times, I’m happy to do it.
    Very exciting news that the adoption plans are rolling!

    Reply

  10. Tell Damon that boxing is stupid – but if he want to come to my house and let me pound my fist into his head a few times, I’m happy to do it.
    Very exciting news that the adoption plans are rolling!

    Reply

  11. I’m sure if anyone was going to do it, he’d be happy it was you.

    Reply

  12. Mei Mei is a beautiful book. I see those pictures and want to snap them all up and carry them all on my hip all the time.
    Thank you for the good wishes. I you do decide to do it yourself some day I look forward to cheering you on.

    Reply

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