I was working on a theory for a while that my pregnancy caused other women to respond to me with unprecedented (for me) warmth. I’ve always had a small handful of important women friends, and sometimes just one best girlfriend who I felt close to. When I was younger I was one of those girls who always had more guy friends. I wasn’t the trampy girl they were trying to score with, and I wasn’t the outcast girl who had disdain for the “normal” girls, but somehow I always felt like I understood, and was understood by, my male friends more easily. And I’ve got some still who are essential to me.

Now I have this new dimension in my life, which is a larger group of women. Some of them I’m super close to, some of them I’m getting to know better all the time. And it’s so much easier for me than it ever was before. At first I chalked this all up to my theory that I started this post with. I was calling it Mommy Cred, in that I figured having a baby gave me this amazing experience in common with other women. And I’m sure there’s something to that. But I’m re-evaluating that, because I don’t think that’s really it. My first clue was that some of these women I’ve drawn closer to over the past year don’t have kids. So… that’s really the only clue I need to blow the mommy theory.

Here’s what it is: I think people who’ve known me for a while would agree that “guarded” is not a bad way to describe me (if you’re feeling kind). But for me it was getting pregnant, or maybe more accurately my decision to try to become a mom, that forced me to drop a lot of habitual defenses. I can’t be honest and still maintain that I believe I have any control over what’s about to happen to me. I think maybe that made me more accessible. I hope it didn’t make me more likeable, since it wasn’t my impression that people didn’t like me. Just that people didn’t necessarily feel immediately comfortable around me. And now they seem to be more so.

Backing up this theory is that I know both men and women who have always had the gift of being very emotionally present (to speak momentarily in a way that annoys me) and they’ve always had what I feel like I’m building now. It just happens that impending motherhood — or the desire for motherhood — has helped develop that in me.

It wasn’t something I anticipated, but I’m so pleased. Some days I want to yell, “Who wants kisses and presents?”

What kicked off this meditation is my coming home today to a package from . In it were four beautiful hand-made swaddling blankets, including one that has moved through several families already. I absolutely love them, and am so pleased by the idea that they have comforted other babies before they will comfort mine. A proper thank you note will, of course, be issued. But such a lovely thought deserves a public acknowledgment.

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60 responses to this post.

  1. How sweet! Be nice to L. I scored a bunch of bottles from her – and those cute boys of her are growing all the time. πŸ™‚
    Oh…and I’ll take kisses and presents any day.

    Reply

  2. How sweet! Be nice to L. I scored a bunch of bottles from her – and those cute boys of her are growing all the time. πŸ™‚
    Oh…and I’ll take kisses and presents any day.

    Reply

  3. How sweet! Be nice to L. I scored a bunch of bottles from her – and those cute boys of her are growing all the time. πŸ™‚
    Oh…and I’ll take kisses and presents any day.

    Reply

  4. How sweet! Be nice to L. I scored a bunch of bottles from her – and those cute boys of her are growing all the time. πŸ™‚
    Oh…and I’ll take kisses and presents any day.

    Reply

  5. How sweet! Be nice to L. I scored a bunch of bottles from her – and those cute boys of her are growing all the time. πŸ™‚
    Oh…and I’ll take kisses and presents any day.

    Reply

  6. How sweet! Be nice to L. I scored a bunch of bottles from her – and those cute boys of her are growing all the time. πŸ™‚
    Oh…and I’ll take kisses and presents any day.

    Reply

  7. It is good advice!
    And I’ll get those kisses and presents to you as soon as I can.

    Reply

  8. Maybe it’s that you’re smart and funny and people like smart and funny people?
    I suspect I don’t have terribly much in common with you, but I think you’re a friend of mine.

    Reply

  9. Maybe it’s that you’re smart and funny and people like smart and funny people?
    I suspect I don’t have terribly much in common with you, but I think you’re a friend of mine.

    Reply

  10. Maybe it’s that you’re smart and funny and people like smart and funny people?
    I suspect I don’t have terribly much in common with you, but I think you’re a friend of mine.

    Reply

  11. Maybe it’s that you’re smart and funny and people like smart and funny people?
    I suspect I don’t have terribly much in common with you, but I think you’re a friend of mine.

    Reply

  12. Maybe it’s that you’re smart and funny and people like smart and funny people?
    I suspect I don’t have terribly much in common with you, but I think you’re a friend of mine.

    Reply

  13. Maybe it’s that you’re smart and funny and people like smart and funny people?
    I suspect I don’t have terribly much in common with you, but I think you’re a friend of mine.

    Reply

  14. I think what we have in common is that we’re smart and funny. And we’re definitely friends.

    Reply

  15. It’s a little of both, I think, that becoming a mother opens you up emotionally in ways you can’t even imagine beforehand; also, having a baby makes people want to do nice things for you. πŸ™‚ I was so touched that my friends thought enough of me to give them to me, and I really like the idea that a baby I “know” will be wrapped up in those blankets, so I’m very pleased that you liked them.

    Reply

  16. It’s a little of both, I think, that becoming a mother opens you up emotionally in ways you can’t even imagine beforehand; also, having a baby makes people want to do nice things for you. πŸ™‚ I was so touched that my friends thought enough of me to give them to me, and I really like the idea that a baby I “know” will be wrapped up in those blankets, so I’m very pleased that you liked them.

    Reply

  17. It’s a little of both, I think, that becoming a mother opens you up emotionally in ways you can’t even imagine beforehand; also, having a baby makes people want to do nice things for you. πŸ™‚ I was so touched that my friends thought enough of me to give them to me, and I really like the idea that a baby I “know” will be wrapped up in those blankets, so I’m very pleased that you liked them.

    Reply

  18. It’s a little of both, I think, that becoming a mother opens you up emotionally in ways you can’t even imagine beforehand; also, having a baby makes people want to do nice things for you. πŸ™‚ I was so touched that my friends thought enough of me to give them to me, and I really like the idea that a baby I “know” will be wrapped up in those blankets, so I’m very pleased that you liked them.

    Reply

  19. It’s a little of both, I think, that becoming a mother opens you up emotionally in ways you can’t even imagine beforehand; also, having a baby makes people want to do nice things for you. πŸ™‚ I was so touched that my friends thought enough of me to give them to me, and I really like the idea that a baby I “know” will be wrapped up in those blankets, so I’m very pleased that you liked them.

    Reply

  20. It’s a little of both, I think, that becoming a mother opens you up emotionally in ways you can’t even imagine beforehand; also, having a baby makes people want to do nice things for you. πŸ™‚ I was so touched that my friends thought enough of me to give them to me, and I really like the idea that a baby I “know” will be wrapped up in those blankets, so I’m very pleased that you liked them.

    Reply

  21. What an interesting and thought-provoking post! Thank you for writing it. As a woman who has never been able to relate to women very well, I think I share this feeling but would never have been able to express it so eloquently.

    Reply

  22. What an interesting and thought-provoking post! Thank you for writing it. As a woman who has never been able to relate to women very well, I think I share this feeling but would never have been able to express it so eloquently.

    Reply

  23. What an interesting and thought-provoking post! Thank you for writing it. As a woman who has never been able to relate to women very well, I think I share this feeling but would never have been able to express it so eloquently.

    Reply

  24. What an interesting and thought-provoking post! Thank you for writing it. As a woman who has never been able to relate to women very well, I think I share this feeling but would never have been able to express it so eloquently.

    Reply

  25. What an interesting and thought-provoking post! Thank you for writing it. As a woman who has never been able to relate to women very well, I think I share this feeling but would never have been able to express it so eloquently.

    Reply

  26. What an interesting and thought-provoking post! Thank you for writing it. As a woman who has never been able to relate to women very well, I think I share this feeling but would never have been able to express it so eloquently.

    Reply

  27. Perhaps it could just be something as simple as having a topic that can be talked about – not necessarily something in common, but if you are a guarded standoffish person (which I don’t see but well – I only know you through LJ so who knows) then you are now offering an obvious conversation starter and as you stated, appearing more accessible.
    What a great gift! When are you due?

    Reply

  28. Perhaps it could just be something as simple as having a topic that can be talked about – not necessarily something in common, but if you are a guarded standoffish person (which I don’t see but well – I only know you through LJ so who knows) then you are now offering an obvious conversation starter and as you stated, appearing more accessible.
    What a great gift! When are you due?

    Reply

    • It’s true. It’s a slightly richer well than, “God, it’s hot out.”
      It IS a great gift. I’m due in exactly three months — 10/7. I can’t even believe how close that is.

      Reply

    • It’s true. It’s a slightly richer well than, “God, it’s hot out.”
      It IS a great gift. I’m due in exactly three months — 10/7. I can’t even believe how close that is.

      Reply

    • It’s true. It’s a slightly richer well than, “God, it’s hot out.”
      It IS a great gift. I’m due in exactly three months — 10/7. I can’t even believe how close that is.

      Reply

    • It’s true. It’s a slightly richer well than, “God, it’s hot out.”
      It IS a great gift. I’m due in exactly three months — 10/7. I can’t even believe how close that is.

      Reply

    • It’s true. It’s a slightly richer well than, “God, it’s hot out.”
      It IS a great gift. I’m due in exactly three months — 10/7. I can’t even believe how close that is.

      Reply

  29. Perhaps it could just be something as simple as having a topic that can be talked about – not necessarily something in common, but if you are a guarded standoffish person (which I don’t see but well – I only know you through LJ so who knows) then you are now offering an obvious conversation starter and as you stated, appearing more accessible.
    What a great gift! When are you due?

    Reply

  30. Perhaps it could just be something as simple as having a topic that can be talked about – not necessarily something in common, but if you are a guarded standoffish person (which I don’t see but well – I only know you through LJ so who knows) then you are now offering an obvious conversation starter and as you stated, appearing more accessible.
    What a great gift! When are you due?

    Reply

  31. Perhaps it could just be something as simple as having a topic that can be talked about – not necessarily something in common, but if you are a guarded standoffish person (which I don’t see but well – I only know you through LJ so who knows) then you are now offering an obvious conversation starter and as you stated, appearing more accessible.
    What a great gift! When are you due?

    Reply

  32. Perhaps it could just be something as simple as having a topic that can be talked about – not necessarily something in common, but if you are a guarded standoffish person (which I don’t see but well – I only know you through LJ so who knows) then you are now offering an obvious conversation starter and as you stated, appearing more accessible.
    What a great gift! When are you due?

    Reply

  33. I always hung out with guys more than girls…and then i got married.
    after that, it seems that any time you hang out with couple friends, you inevitably start splitting off by sexes. This has even been true of friendships pre-marriage where I was friends with the guy and now talk more with the girl.

    Reply

  34. I always hung out with guys more than girls…and then i got married.
    after that, it seems that any time you hang out with couple friends, you inevitably start splitting off by sexes. This has even been true of friendships pre-marriage where I was friends with the guy and now talk more with the girl.

    Reply

  35. I always hung out with guys more than girls…and then i got married.
    after that, it seems that any time you hang out with couple friends, you inevitably start splitting off by sexes. This has even been true of friendships pre-marriage where I was friends with the guy and now talk more with the girl.

    Reply

  36. I always hung out with guys more than girls…and then i got married.
    after that, it seems that any time you hang out with couple friends, you inevitably start splitting off by sexes. This has even been true of friendships pre-marriage where I was friends with the guy and now talk more with the girl.

    Reply

  37. I always hung out with guys more than girls…and then i got married.
    after that, it seems that any time you hang out with couple friends, you inevitably start splitting off by sexes. This has even been true of friendships pre-marriage where I was friends with the guy and now talk more with the girl.

    Reply

  38. I always hung out with guys more than girls…and then i got married.
    after that, it seems that any time you hang out with couple friends, you inevitably start splitting off by sexes. This has even been true of friendships pre-marriage where I was friends with the guy and now talk more with the girl.

    Reply

  39. It’s true. It’s a slightly richer well than, “God, it’s hot out.”
    It IS a great gift. I’m due in exactly three months — 10/7. I can’t even believe how close that is.

    Reply

  40. I’ve noticed that as well. I’m still fighting it, though, at least in some cases.

    Reply

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