Same As It Ever Was

Tomorrow we leave for Cincinnati. I am watching old sitcoms and pretending that I’ve packed and otherwise prepared the house for our departure. In all honesty, I haven’t even really given the trip much thought beyond making sure all the books I want make it into the car. I guess that shows where my priorities lie. My gifts? They’re not wrapped. Not a one. A few weeks ago I was basking in the glory of having completed all my shopping. And then, I just didn’t wrap anything. Or get boxes. Or paper. And now we leave tomorrow with a stack of unwrapped gifts. We got my mom a paper and wood sculptural deer head. (It’s seriously cool, even though I made it sound awful). Think I’ll have a box for that laying around?

On an unrelated note, after a five-month wait I will finally see my new ob/gyn next week. I know she will tell me, considering my age and how difficult it was to get pregnant with Alden, that if I want any hope of a second baby that I will need to wean him. I’m beyond conflicted about this. I know lots of women get pregnant while nursing. I also I know I can’t afford any disadvantages. But it’s certainly possible I won’t be able to get pregnant anyway. And Alden is nowhere near ready. A friend has a family connection to a very well-respected RE and she asked him about me. He said to weigh what is ultimately better for Alden, nursing now or life with a sibling forever. I take his point. Still…

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24 responses to this post.

  1. I believe that whatever you do, it will ultimately be the right thing.

    Reply

  2. I believe that whatever you do, it will ultimately be the right thing.

    Reply

  3. Is he night-weaned? That’s what will usually kick-start ovulation. You can still nurse, but that 8-hour span is often enough to make your body start getting ready to have another, and women are often more fertile then.

    Reply

  4. Is he night-weaned? That’s what will usually kick-start ovulation. You can still nurse, but that 8-hour span is often enough to make your body start getting ready to have another, and women are often more fertile then.

    Reply

    • He’s… not. We were making progress, but about two weeks ago he suddenly wanted to nurse a lot more — both day and night. There’s no distracting him. There’s no substituting a bottle or cup of milk. He just loses it when he can’t nurse. I’m not sure what to make of it. I have been hoping for another lull in his intensity so that I could try to back out then.
      It’s a cliche, but I feel like work takes me away from him for so long every day. It’s a big hurdle to get over to consider denying him the nursing relationship he wants when I am home.
      And, I admit it: I’m afraid he won’t feel as close to me if I don’t nurse him. It kills me that Damon’s with him so much more than I am. Even as I’m grateful for that reality. But nursing is one thing that only I can do for him. Clearly, there’s a lot going on here. I just want to make sure I don’t have it resolved for me but just missing my fertility window entirely (assuming I haven’t).
      I do easily go eight hours without nursing him during the day. It’s more like ten hours most days. My period came back about six months ago. I’m hoping that means we’re getting there.
      Problems of privilege, I know, both for me and for Alden…

      Reply

      • You sound so apologetic. 🙂 If your period’s back, your fertility is. If he goes all day without nursing and you’re not pumping, it’s basically the same thing. And don’t worry about it–if he’s happy and you’re happy, you don’t have rules about nursing. Anya went up and down like that, but Ezzy never really lost interest that early.
        I don’t think you’re being indulgent or anything, fwiw. You’re enjoying a closeness with him, and that’s a good thing.

      • Thank you 🙂 I do feel apologetic. I think maybe that’s the lot of the corporate mommy. Everything is colored by the fact that I’m away from him for most of the day on most days.

  5. Thank you. I am trying to embrace a Zen approach. I remind myself that there’s no awful outcome here. If I get pregnant, great. If China comes through, great. But I am already blessed.

    Reply

  6. You were an only child and you turned out fine.

    Reply

  7. He’s… not. We were making progress, but about two weeks ago he suddenly wanted to nurse a lot more — both day and night. There’s no distracting him. There’s no substituting a bottle or cup of milk. He just loses it when he can’t nurse. I’m not sure what to make of it. I have been hoping for another lull in his intensity so that I could try to back out then.
    It’s a cliche, but I feel like work takes me away from him for so long every day. It’s a big hurdle to get over to consider denying him the nursing relationship he wants when I am home.
    And, I admit it: I’m afraid he won’t feel as close to me if I don’t nurse him. It kills me that Damon’s with him so much more than I am. Even as I’m grateful for that reality. But nursing is one thing that only I can do for him. Clearly, there’s a lot going on here. I just want to make sure I don’t have it resolved for me but just missing my fertility window entirely (assuming I haven’t).
    I do easily go eight hours without nursing him during the day. It’s more like ten hours most days. My period came back about six months ago. I’m hoping that means we’re getting there.
    Problems of privilege, I know, both for me and for Alden…

    Reply

  8. It’s true.

    Reply

  9. I got pregnant while nursing RocketBoy – of course it ended in a first-tri m/c, but still my body was able to conceive. The reason I stopped nursing RB after that was because nursing became unpleasant for me while I was pregnant (not sure if it was psychological or not) – but he was 2 1/2 at the time – so my guilt was offset by his age.
    On another note – we booked a flight to NJ for 7:30am on Dec. 26. Can you think of anything more stupid than that? I most certainly can not.

    Reply

  10. I got pregnant while nursing RocketBoy – of course it ended in a first-tri m/c, but still my body was able to conceive. The reason I stopped nursing RB after that was because nursing became unpleasant for me while I was pregnant (not sure if it was psychological or not) – but he was 2 1/2 at the time – so my guilt was offset by his age.
    On another note – we booked a flight to NJ for 7:30am on Dec. 26. Can you think of anything more stupid than that? I most certainly can not.

    Reply

    • It’s always good to hear about a conception success.
      Right now my hope is that we can maintain some nursing relationship for a good while to come. But I know we’ll probably need to scale it back.
      I know you lived through your flight since we heard from Scout today. But man, I do not have that kind of strength.

      Reply

  11. You sound so apologetic. 🙂 If your period’s back, your fertility is. If he goes all day without nursing and you’re not pumping, it’s basically the same thing. And don’t worry about it–if he’s happy and you’re happy, you don’t have rules about nursing. Anya went up and down like that, but Ezzy never really lost interest that early.
    I don’t think you’re being indulgent or anything, fwiw. You’re enjoying a closeness with him, and that’s a good thing.

    Reply

  12. I want to see a picture of the deer head. 🙂
    Wean when you and Alden are ready. Only when you two are ready – no sooner.

    Reply

  13. I want to see a picture of the deer head. 🙂
    Wean when you and Alden are ready. Only when you two are ready – no sooner.

    Reply

    • I tried to find a photo online with no luck. Once it is unwrapped I’ll get a snap.
      I think I will need to scale back the nursing, but it is my intention to hold on to that relationship for a good while yet.
      I’ll see my new doc this week and I’m curious to hear what she has to say about all this.

      Reply

  14. Thank you 🙂 I do feel apologetic. I think maybe that’s the lot of the corporate mommy. Everything is colored by the fact that I’m away from him for most of the day on most days.

    Reply

  15. It’s always good to hear about a conception success.
    Right now my hope is that we can maintain some nursing relationship for a good while to come. But I know we’ll probably need to scale it back.
    I know you lived through your flight since we heard from Scout today. But man, I do not have that kind of strength.

    Reply

  16. I tried to find a photo online with no luck. Once it is unwrapped I’ll get a snap.
    I think I will need to scale back the nursing, but it is my intention to hold on to that relationship for a good while yet.
    I’ll see my new doc this week and I’m curious to hear what she has to say about all this.

    Reply

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