Clams and Gravity

I will never grocery shop unless I’m starving. If I force myself to go, I’ll wander the aisles and then leave empty handed. If I’m not hungry, I can’t believe that I will ever be hungry again. So no point in buying food. How many times have I stood, frustrated and ravenous, in front of an empty refrigerator? Hundreds of times? The past is the best indicator of the future, right? I really believe that. I have been hungry lots of times. It will probably happen again. And yet, I still can’t display any foresight when it comes to Kroger.

Along the same short-circuiting path in my brain lies the conflict between what I want to be true because it is convenient for me, and what is actually true. Not for big things. I understand that I have to get up and go to work. I understand that beds need to be made again and again. But, for example, if I accidentally park too close to our other car in the garage I will perform all kinds of contortions in my attempts to get out. Just because I don’t want to have to re-park. Which would be much quicker. But I just can’t accept that I need to move the car. I will fight the very laws of physics. Tonight we went out to dinner at one of our favorite Italian restaurants. A combination of impatient toddler and eyes bigger than stomaches meant that we left with overflowing go boxes. By the time we got home I was cold and tired and I just did not want to walk around to the driver side of the backseat to grab those boxes off the floor. I wanted them in my hand when I opened my door so that I could just dash into the house. So I just reached back behind me, grabbed the top box, and then flipped it sideways so I could maneuver it between the two front seats. Anyone with a basic grasp of… anything could predict that would mean linguine with clams all over the console (and me). But for some reason I was surprised. And really, y’all, there was a lot of clam sauce happening. Like enough that I was able to flick my arm in Damon’s direction and splatter his face and shirt. (He was laughing at me.)

What is my problem? I think of myself as fairly bright, but sometimes my behavior indicates an IQ just south of room temperature.

Advertisements

8 responses to this post.

  1. LOL…I do this, too! Probably because I’m stubborn and really REALLY hate having to go out of my way (even if it’s INCHES). I hate wasting time, yet all I do is waste time when I have to clean up after myself!
    The only thing I can do is laugh at myself.

    Reply

  2. LOL…I do this, too! Probably because I’m stubborn and really REALLY hate having to go out of my way (even if it’s INCHES). I hate wasting time, yet all I do is waste time when I have to clean up after myself!
    The only thing I can do is laugh at myself.

    Reply

  3. I do it too, only I inevitably set myself up for failure somewhere later, like deliberately not going anywhere yesterday because my tank is on E, and forgetting to tell P last night–lo, now I have to leave early and stand in the freezing cold, pumping gas, today. I hate pumping gas. Hate it. I will do nearly anything to get out of it.
    On being surprised at outcomes: I once went on a road trip with my roommate and then-boyfriend, and it took us through DC around 10 at night in a blizzard. We were slowly following the salt truck because that was the only clear lane on the interstate, and my Dave hit the button to wash the windshield. Of course, it instantly froze solid and became a sheet of sight-blocking ice. Okay, once, fine. But he did it FOUR MORE TIMES and was shocked every time that the ice totally obscured the windshield, imperiling us further. I wanted to beat him to death. I think it was fatigue.

    Reply

  4. I do it too, only I inevitably set myself up for failure somewhere later, like deliberately not going anywhere yesterday because my tank is on E, and forgetting to tell P last night–lo, now I have to leave early and stand in the freezing cold, pumping gas, today. I hate pumping gas. Hate it. I will do nearly anything to get out of it.
    On being surprised at outcomes: I once went on a road trip with my roommate and then-boyfriend, and it took us through DC around 10 at night in a blizzard. We were slowly following the salt truck because that was the only clear lane on the interstate, and my Dave hit the button to wash the windshield. Of course, it instantly froze solid and became a sheet of sight-blocking ice. Okay, once, fine. But he did it FOUR MORE TIMES and was shocked every time that the ice totally obscured the windshield, imperiling us further. I wanted to beat him to death. I think it was fatigue.

    Reply

    • I hear you. I will keep switching cars until they’re both out of gas, and then I just try not to go anywhere. Backfires on me sometimes too.
      I think I might work with that guy who was driving you in the blizzard.

      Reply

  5. A very mature response. I still rail and curse, at least sometimes.

    Reply

  6. I hear you. I will keep switching cars until they’re both out of gas, and then I just try not to go anywhere. Backfires on me sometimes too.
    I think I might work with that guy who was driving you in the blizzard.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: