Last Night

Last night. Oh last night.

Alden didn’t nap, and his parents weren’t too bright in not factoring that into our plans. We have a houseful coming to celebrate the boys’ birthdays this weekend and so we decided we should just grab dinner out and then hit the grocery store.

It was so early in the night when I felt everything unspooling, but we didn’t seem able to get it back. We absolutely should have abandoned ship and gone home. But we silly parents were convinced we could get it back. We could not.

Picture this: Alden has peed on the floor of the deli. Damon takes off to go buy fresh clothes since we forgot to bring. Alden’s crying. He(understandably) does not want to be in wet clothes. He’s also upset because I won’t put him on my lap because I (understandably) do not want to need a change of clothes myself. Dinner is rapidly cooling on the table. I’m swabbing the floor when I look over to see Alden has pulled his pants and underpants down, but can’t get them over his shoes. He’s crying again. I sit down on the now clean(ish) floor and put my arms around Alden and rock him back and forth, which calms him. I pat his bare bottom and try to maneuver him so he’s not mooning the restaurant. Elliot is starving in his high chair and he starts to cry. Also, he can reach my hair and starts yanking it all out of my head. So now I’m trying to free myself and at the same time rip up little bites of pizza for him, all while still holding on to Alden. Alden wants pizza. I give him a piece (the last one of his tiny kiddie pizza). He drops it on the floor, bottom down. I brush it off and give back to him. Not my finest moment. Two bites later he drops it again, cheese side down. This time I can’t do it. The pizza goes away. More tears.

This is all happening in a restaurant at least half full. I’m taking some comfort that 1) it’s a super-casual place and 2) at least I’m keeping the disaster contained to our table and the volume is low-ish. But really, you couldn’t miss us.

What would I have given for one sympathetic smile? I didn’t expect anyone to leap up and help me clean the floor. I know our kids are no one’s problem but our own. But we were attracting attention and it would have taken my stress level down a few notches to get a little “solidarity sister” gesture among the open stares at the freak show going down.

I promise that if I ever see a mom or dad in those shoes I am going to go hold that baby. I’m going to help clean the floor. I’m going to give the crying two-year-old a piece of my pizza. And if my help isn’t wanted I am at least going to say, “I have been there. Just get out alive. You’ll be fine. Also, your kids are really cute.”

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18 responses to this post.

  1. For what it’s worth, people who stare and make snide remarks are shits. Everybody used to be a baby.

    Reply

  2. For what it’s worth, people who stare and make snide remarks are shits. Everybody used to be a baby.

    Reply

  3. Thank you! It’s so true.

    Reply

  4. Posted by Anonymous on September 25, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Ohhhh. I promise, too. Sincerely. Linking to this post because I think everyone should.

    Reply

  5. Posted by Anonymous on September 25, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Ohhhh. I promise, too. Sincerely. Linking to this post because I think everyone should.

    Reply

  6. Posted by Anonymous on September 25, 2010 at 11:31 am

    I’ve been there and it means worlds to get a sympathetic smile or an offer of help. I promise too!

    Reply

  7. Posted by Anonymous on September 25, 2010 at 11:31 am

    I’ve been there and it means worlds to get a sympathetic smile or an offer of help. I promise too!

    Reply

  8. Posted by Anonymous on September 25, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Also traveling through the world with my own 2 and 4 year old freak shows. And yes… I promise this too.
    Just as I now promise to always open doors for people with strollers… or ANYONE who has their hands full.
    fist-bump.
    And why, oh why do they always want to sit on you after a bodily fluid issue?

    Reply

  9. Posted by Anonymous on September 25, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Also traveling through the world with my own 2 and 4 year old freak shows. And yes… I promise this too.
    Just as I now promise to always open doors for people with strollers… or ANYONE who has their hands full.
    fist-bump.
    And why, oh why do they always want to sit on you after a bodily fluid issue?

    Reply

  10. Aww, poor you!

    Reply

  11. Aww, poor you!

    Reply

  12. And why do they insist on nuzzling your neck and chest after they vomit?!?

    Reply

  13. Aw man, too bad you’re anonymous. I’m always looking for those fellow travelers.

    Reply

  14. Thank you! We can start a revolution. In all our free time.

    Reply

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