Thoughts On Turning 40

Not that I am.

Okay, I am.

I want to embrace this milestone. To revel in the truth that my work life is humming, that my family is delicious, that I am healthy and get to experience real-deal joy most days. I’m humbly aware that I have had opportunities due to timing and luck that are vanishingly rare in the history of women.

File this whole post under: Veruca Salt Turns 40! Wants More!

(See, that is an old-person reference. Youngsters will think I’m talking about a band.)

Still. I have reached a point when people compliment you by telling you that you don’t look like what you are. “Why you could pass for 30!” Thanks?

I have hardly invented resistance to aging. It’s just… my kids. I was a liberal arts major, but I can still do math. I was 36 when I had Alden. When my mom was 36 I was 12. Will I even get to meet my grandchildren? And for them. I was 39 when I lost my Dad. I was not ready. I still need him. My Mom, praise be, is quite healthy.

Mom met a woman the other day whose son visits with her daily. She’s in her 90s and he’s in his 70s. I would like to order up that future, please.

And, truth be told, I would love another baby. This motherhood thing… I knew I would love my kids, but I really had no idea how much I would enjoy this gig. I know it is theoretically possible. But I need time. My other two are so tiny. I know I can’t do more than my two tiny guys and my wonderful-but-consuming job. I would shortchange all of them (not to mention patient Damon) more than is tolerable. We are still technically in line to adopt from China (remember that?) but let’s not hold our breath. That’s a whole other post.

I would love another baby.

What helps the most is the awesome women who are just a tiny notch ahead of me — Katie, Susan, Kim, Stacy, Tracey and a few precious more.  Truly. More than they know they’re giving me confidence.

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5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by SScarbrough on March 11, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Do you feel better thinking of yourself as a 480-month-old?

    I have never been happier or felt better (despite the fact that weird things start happening) than I have since I turned 40. I think you will find the same is true.

    I’m so glad to know you on this birthday, and look forward to knowing you for many, many more.

    Despite the lack of a fat bottom, you make the rockin’ world go round!

    Reply

  2. Really, truly, you are a gem. You and Morris Day.

    Reply

  3. You know, Morris and I are just like this. I should see if I can get him for my 50th birthday. Um, when I’m 50.

    Reply

  4. Posted by Leanne on March 30, 2011 at 11:18 am

    I’m older than you, and I thought Veruca Salt was a band, too.

    Reply

  5. Jillian,
    I am just discovering your writing and I love it. This post really speaks to me as I will turn 40 in August and my mind has been a bit consumed with that and what it all means. I, too, think about what it will mean for Sophie when she is an adult that I had her so late.
    Thanks for your thoughtful and honest perspective.

    Reply

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