The first anniversary of my Dad’s death looms right around the corner, helpfully positioned near Father’s Day just in case I forget.
Days go by now when I don’t think about him. No other way to function, to be sure. For months I stayed hung up on the question, “Where is my Dad?” Literally, not philosophically or spiritually. I could not accept, couldn’t even understand, that he ceased to BE. I still don’t understand that, but it just makes me feel sad rather than freaked out — because now I do accept that there’s nothing I can do about it.
I usually solve my problems by just whaling away at them until something gives. But this. There’s just nothing I can do about it.
jaysaint 
Posted by Robert J. Scott on June 19, 2011 at 4:54 pm
You’re not alone. I lost my Mother in December of 1995. It was actually many years before she didn’t enter my mind each day. From the day that she was buried until the day I left to move to Florida, I visited her grave daily and I lovingly kept it trimmed and green using a hand-held battery trimmer. She had new flowers in a vase at her tombstone (silk) that I changed each month. I missed one day in those many years; a day that Pennsylvania’s governor banned anyone from being on the roads due to a blizzard.
So remember the fond days that you had with your Dad. In time the newness of your loss will fade but the memories that you carry in your heart will remain with you until it too, stops beating.
Best wishes for a speedy and complete healing
Robert J. Scott
Posted by jaysaint on June 21, 2011 at 10:37 am
Thank you for telling me that. You and your Mom must have had a really beautiful relationship. And now you’ve made her real to one more person.
I appreciate the good thoughts and the idea that as long as I’m here my relationship with my Dad is still real.
Posted by Cara Herman on June 21, 2011 at 8:34 am
I’ll be thinking of you Jill! You’re a strong girl. 🙂
Posted by Jeannie on June 21, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Thinking of you.
Posted by S. on June 24, 2011 at 7:01 pm
He must have been a wonderful man. He sure had a wonderful daughter.
You’re in my thoughts.