jaysaint Getting it all down on paper…

It all has to go sideways sometimes, right?

Oh, friends. It was not my fault. Well, actually it was my fault. But I didn’t realize that until I was well into writing this. More on that in a moment.

“Prep Time: 15 Minutes”

Have you ever cleaned and trimmed an artichoke? There was no mention of such in the recipe, but I invite anyone with lots (like, tons) of free time to stuff an un-trimmed artichoke. It’s possible, but will certainly take more time than just trimming the damn thing. Unless you’re wearing oyster gloves, and if so then I’m going to really doubt you’d have enough dexterity. Also, I’m really going to doubt you’re wearing oyster gloves.

“15 minutes” is crazy talk.

Next up is the ingredient list. I’m guessing that most people (including me) give a recipe a quick skim first to estimate time suck and expense. This one doesn’t look too bad. Eight ingredients. But the eagle-eyed reader will see that one of those ingredients is “Essence” which is defined on the next page as a combination of eight spices. Unless you keep a stocked spice rack, that’s going to double up your cost.

Also on the list is “4 artichokes, boiled until tender and cleaned free of the choke.”

I didn’t see it. My bad. Totally. But really, shouldn’t all the cooking process be in the instructions? So not all my bad. I thought it was hugely weird to bake artichokes without steaming or boiling them, but I’m not about to second-guess Emeril. The whole point of this exercise is that I’m making recipes that are foreign to me. Also, there’s no way boiling and cleaning out the choke is included in the time estimate. Rrrrrr.

Finally, made as intructed, the stuffing comes out gritty (even after adding more oil and cheese). The cayenne gives it an unpleasant sting rather than a pleasant heat making for an overall effect of eating hot sand.

It all started out so well.

The sad journey those artichokes went on, though, was sink –> counter –> oven –> trash.

Recipe #7: Stuffed artichokes from FoodNetwork.