FLINTSTONES ARE ‘WAY TOO GAY’
Group Seeks Ban on Cartoon, Cereal, Vitamins
The ongoing campaign against alleged gay icons in animated cartoons continued today as a newly formed conservative group demanded that television stations stop broadcasting “The Flintstones” at once.
Harland Devane, leader of the group Focus on the Flintstones, said at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today that his organization was issuing the demand because, “Quite simply, everything about ‘The Flintstones’ is way too gay.”
The conservative activist distributed a memo itemizing over fifty ways in which the self-styled “modern Stone Age family” series promotes homosexuality, but left little doubt that most of his concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble.
“Their relationship is more flagrantly homosexual than anything in Oliver Stone’s ‘Alexander,’” Mr. Devane said.
He pointed out that Fred and Barney are virtually inseparable, are never seen wearing pants, and live together in the suggestively named town of Bedrock.
Noting that the show’s theme song exhorts viewers to have “a gay old time,” he added that the two men wear hard hats and construction garb while at work, an oblique reference to the construction worker in the classic disco band “The Village People.”
“Do I believe they are gay icons?” Mr. Devane said. “I abba-dabba-do.”
He added that Focus on the Flintstones’ efforts will not stop at banning the cartoon series from TV, telling reporters that the group is also “taking a close look” at Flintstone-related consumer products such as Flintstone vitamins and cereal.
“We are very uncomfortable with Fruity Pebbles,” he said.
Elsewhere, President Bush announced a budget of $2.57 trillion, most of which will go to paying for last month’s inauguration.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1063&srch=
jaysaint 
Posted by baldsug on February 16, 2005 at 4:55 pm
Not to mention Fred’s closeted fondness for Swedish pop sensation and gay icon ABBA,
cleverly masked in his cry of “yABBA-dABBA-doo!”
Posted by steakums on February 16, 2005 at 5:04 pm
You’re kidding, right? You wrote this. Mr. Devane is your made-up alter ego, yes? Yes? Please say yes….
Posted by jaysaint on February 16, 2005 at 5:21 pm
I WISH I were this funny. But rest assured, Mr. Horowitz writes satire. Many equally good stories can be found on his website.
Posted by steakums on February 16, 2005 at 5:34 pm
You know what’s scary? You read something like this and think “that’s f-ing nuts!” But then you think to yourself “the right wingers are capable of being that f-ing nuts, and so it might be true.”
We live in a scary world.
Posted by fierce_rabbit on February 17, 2005 at 5:29 am
I was fully expecting that to be from the onion…
*sigh*