Clarification

I explained the overnight arrangements at the hospital really badly. Let me try that again.

If you go to the traditional labor and delivery floor, you will labor, deliver and recover in a private room. You’re allowed two people with you at all times. For me this would be Damon and possibly a doula. Once you’ve had a few hours of recovery you and the baby are moved to a post-partum room for about 48 hours (although you can leave early).

The post-partum rooms are semi-private, so you will have a roommate. Your baby can stay with you there 24/7, but your partner will have to go from 11pm until 8am, since there’s another person in the room. I’ve seen these rooms, and they are crazy tiny.

A private room is a theoretical option, but at a minimum of $400/night out of pocket it’s not an actual option for us.

I don’t want to send the baby to the nursery, even though they will promise to bring you the baby to breast feed at 2am. I want the baby to eat when it’s hungry, and to be cared for by its parents on the first night of its life. But I’m also overwhelmed at the thought of going through labor and then not having Damon’s help that first night. I know the nurses are there for you. Not the same.

So that’s that part of the dilemma more carefully explained.

It will be nice if we can figure out the sex of this little sucker so I can stop using “it.”

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90 responses to this post.

  1. It’s a boy.
    Glad I can help.

    Reply

  2. It’s a boy.
    Glad I can help.

    Reply

  3. It’s a boy.
    Glad I can help.

    Reply

  4. It’s a boy.
    Glad I can help.

    Reply

  5. It’s a boy.
    Glad I can help.

    Reply

  6. Why thank you! A boy would be delightful.

    Reply

  7. I really don’t mean to sound lecture-y before the baby is even born, but you’re right in wanting to feed when the baby is hungry; scheduling a newborn’s breastfeeding is the fastest way to sabotage your nursing relationship. You really ought to be sleeping with the baby, because they will almost inevitably give it formula or a pacifier in the nursery. And your life will be easier if there is someone else in the room with you. But the baby is going to want to nurse a lot because it’s what comforts him/her and brings your milk in (you know not to fall for the old baby-needs-formula-until-your-milk-comes-in thing, right?). Anyway, I can’t imagine my first night with either of mine without P there.
    I’m still a little shocked that they do shared rooms. I didn’t know anywhere still did that. It’s odd, given that the birth center seems so progressive and is in the same hospital.

    Reply

  8. I really don’t mean to sound lecture-y before the baby is even born, but you’re right in wanting to feed when the baby is hungry; scheduling a newborn’s breastfeeding is the fastest way to sabotage your nursing relationship. You really ought to be sleeping with the baby, because they will almost inevitably give it formula or a pacifier in the nursery. And your life will be easier if there is someone else in the room with you. But the baby is going to want to nurse a lot because it’s what comforts him/her and brings your milk in (you know not to fall for the old baby-needs-formula-until-your-milk-comes-in thing, right?). Anyway, I can’t imagine my first night with either of mine without P there.
    I’m still a little shocked that they do shared rooms. I didn’t know anywhere still did that. It’s odd, given that the birth center seems so progressive and is in the same hospital.

    Reply

    • And the baby should be nursing a minimum of every two hours, not just at 2 am.

      Reply

      • PS — Don’t worry about sounding lecture-y. I can take i.

      • I had no trouble at all with Anya, but you know I’ve had no end of troubles with Ezra. None of our problems were caused by outside influences like overscheduling, intervening nurses, pacis, bottles, all that, but if we had those things on top of the problems we’ve had it would have been nearly impossible to get this far. If I didn’t have the support system I do or the education on this that I have, I’d probably have given up long ago. This whole experience has changed my automatic assumption that non-nursers are slackers–many people wouldn’t have the support I do and would be more easily discouraged–but obviously I feel passionately about this or I wouldn’t still be plugging along. I hate to see people who wouldn’t otherwise have problems be thwarted by circumstances that were avoidable, you know? You’ve also got to look to, also. Learning to breastfeed comfortably and successfully (and lying down, a necessary skill later when you want to sleep) can be a process, and I want it to go as smoothly for you as possible. I’m nosy like that. 🙂

      • I completely appreciate it. My LJ friends are really my best source of support for this pregnancy. I take your point about how regrettable interventions can make a bad situation worse. I’m trying to get myself into a place where I give us all the best possible positioning without actually giving myself the illusion that I’m totally in control. But I am totally committed to breast feeding, so I’m willing to go to the mat on that. You and Ez are a good example that persistence pays.

      • I completely appreciate it. My LJ friends are really my best source of support for this pregnancy. I take your point about how regrettable interventions can make a bad situation worse. I’m trying to get myself into a place where I give us all the best possible positioning without actually giving myself the illusion that I’m totally in control. But I am totally committed to breast feeding, so I’m willing to go to the mat on that. You and Ez are a good example that persistence pays.

      • I completely appreciate it. My LJ friends are really my best source of support for this pregnancy. I take your point about how regrettable interventions can make a bad situation worse. I’m trying to get myself into a place where I give us all the best possible positioning without actually giving myself the illusion that I’m totally in control. But I am totally committed to breast feeding, so I’m willing to go to the mat on that. You and Ez are a good example that persistence pays.

      • I completely appreciate it. My LJ friends are really my best source of support for this pregnancy. I take your point about how regrettable interventions can make a bad situation worse. I’m trying to get myself into a place where I give us all the best possible positioning without actually giving myself the illusion that I’m totally in control. But I am totally committed to breast feeding, so I’m willing to go to the mat on that. You and Ez are a good example that persistence pays.

      • I had no trouble at all with Anya, but you know I’ve had no end of troubles with Ezra. None of our problems were caused by outside influences like overscheduling, intervening nurses, pacis, bottles, all that, but if we had those things on top of the problems we’ve had it would have been nearly impossible to get this far. If I didn’t have the support system I do or the education on this that I have, I’d probably have given up long ago. This whole experience has changed my automatic assumption that non-nursers are slackers–many people wouldn’t have the support I do and would be more easily discouraged–but obviously I feel passionately about this or I wouldn’t still be plugging along. I hate to see people who wouldn’t otherwise have problems be thwarted by circumstances that were avoidable, you know? You’ve also got to look to, also. Learning to breastfeed comfortably and successfully (and lying down, a necessary skill later when you want to sleep) can be a process, and I want it to go as smoothly for you as possible. I’m nosy like that. 🙂

      • I had no trouble at all with Anya, but you know I’ve had no end of troubles with Ezra. None of our problems were caused by outside influences like overscheduling, intervening nurses, pacis, bottles, all that, but if we had those things on top of the problems we’ve had it would have been nearly impossible to get this far. If I didn’t have the support system I do or the education on this that I have, I’d probably have given up long ago. This whole experience has changed my automatic assumption that non-nursers are slackers–many people wouldn’t have the support I do and would be more easily discouraged–but obviously I feel passionately about this or I wouldn’t still be plugging along. I hate to see people who wouldn’t otherwise have problems be thwarted by circumstances that were avoidable, you know? You’ve also got to look to, also. Learning to breastfeed comfortably and successfully (and lying down, a necessary skill later when you want to sleep) can be a process, and I want it to go as smoothly for you as possible. I’m nosy like that. 🙂

      • I had no trouble at all with Anya, but you know I’ve had no end of troubles with Ezra. None of our problems were caused by outside influences like overscheduling, intervening nurses, pacis, bottles, all that, but if we had those things on top of the problems we’ve had it would have been nearly impossible to get this far. If I didn’t have the support system I do or the education on this that I have, I’d probably have given up long ago. This whole experience has changed my automatic assumption that non-nursers are slackers–many people wouldn’t have the support I do and would be more easily discouraged–but obviously I feel passionately about this or I wouldn’t still be plugging along. I hate to see people who wouldn’t otherwise have problems be thwarted by circumstances that were avoidable, you know? You’ve also got to look to, also. Learning to breastfeed comfortably and successfully (and lying down, a necessary skill later when you want to sleep) can be a process, and I want it to go as smoothly for you as possible. I’m nosy like that. 🙂

      • PS — Don’t worry about sounding lecture-y. I can take i.

      • PS — Don’t worry about sounding lecture-y. I can take i.

      • PS — Don’t worry about sounding lecture-y. I can take i.

    • And the baby should be nursing a minimum of every two hours, not just at 2 am.

      Reply

    • And the baby should be nursing a minimum of every two hours, not just at 2 am.

      Reply

    • And the baby should be nursing a minimum of every two hours, not just at 2 am.

      Reply

    • I agree with you totally. I want to ask my midwife, since she’s delivered lots of babies there, to confirm that they will bring the baby (if we go that route) as often as the baby wakes up.
      I was shocked by the shared rooms too. I’ve heard from every friend who’s had a baby there: Labor and delivery — best in the world. Post-partum — kind of sucks. I guess it’s because so many women want to deliver there that they run out of space.

      Reply

      • I mentioned the shared rooms to P and he asked where you live. I said, “New York City,” and he did a double take and said, “I was expecting like El Salvador or something!” I just thought you’d get a kick out of that. He loved the idea of the big bed in the birth center after two births where he slept on a pullout sofa/chair thing.

      • For some reason that made me laugh out loud. I’m glad I’m not alone in finding the shared rooms/no dads rule barbaric. I really am lured by the king-sized bed. Maybe the plan will be to start in the birthing center and just know I can ask for a transfer if I need it.

      • It made me laugh out loud too, just because I didn’t expect it. Sometimes the man is funny. 🙂

      • It made me laugh out loud too, just because I didn’t expect it. Sometimes the man is funny. 🙂

      • It made me laugh out loud too, just because I didn’t expect it. Sometimes the man is funny. 🙂

      • It made me laugh out loud too, just because I didn’t expect it. Sometimes the man is funny. 🙂

      • For some reason that made me laugh out loud. I’m glad I’m not alone in finding the shared rooms/no dads rule barbaric. I really am lured by the king-sized bed. Maybe the plan will be to start in the birthing center and just know I can ask for a transfer if I need it.

      • For some reason that made me laugh out loud. I’m glad I’m not alone in finding the shared rooms/no dads rule barbaric. I really am lured by the king-sized bed. Maybe the plan will be to start in the birthing center and just know I can ask for a transfer if I need it.

      • For some reason that made me laugh out loud. I’m glad I’m not alone in finding the shared rooms/no dads rule barbaric. I really am lured by the king-sized bed. Maybe the plan will be to start in the birthing center and just know I can ask for a transfer if I need it.

      • I mentioned the shared rooms to P and he asked where you live. I said, “New York City,” and he did a double take and said, “I was expecting like El Salvador or something!” I just thought you’d get a kick out of that. He loved the idea of the big bed in the birth center after two births where he slept on a pullout sofa/chair thing.

      • I mentioned the shared rooms to P and he asked where you live. I said, “New York City,” and he did a double take and said, “I was expecting like El Salvador or something!” I just thought you’d get a kick out of that. He loved the idea of the big bed in the birth center after two births where he slept on a pullout sofa/chair thing.

      • I mentioned the shared rooms to P and he asked where you live. I said, “New York City,” and he did a double take and said, “I was expecting like El Salvador or something!” I just thought you’d get a kick out of that. He loved the idea of the big bed in the birth center after two births where he slept on a pullout sofa/chair thing.

    • I agree with you totally. I want to ask my midwife, since she’s delivered lots of babies there, to confirm that they will bring the baby (if we go that route) as often as the baby wakes up.
      I was shocked by the shared rooms too. I’ve heard from every friend who’s had a baby there: Labor and delivery — best in the world. Post-partum — kind of sucks. I guess it’s because so many women want to deliver there that they run out of space.

      Reply

    • I agree with you totally. I want to ask my midwife, since she’s delivered lots of babies there, to confirm that they will bring the baby (if we go that route) as often as the baby wakes up.
      I was shocked by the shared rooms too. I’ve heard from every friend who’s had a baby there: Labor and delivery — best in the world. Post-partum — kind of sucks. I guess it’s because so many women want to deliver there that they run out of space.

      Reply

    • I agree with you totally. I want to ask my midwife, since she’s delivered lots of babies there, to confirm that they will bring the baby (if we go that route) as often as the baby wakes up.
      I was shocked by the shared rooms too. I’ve heard from every friend who’s had a baby there: Labor and delivery — best in the world. Post-partum — kind of sucks. I guess it’s because so many women want to deliver there that they run out of space.

      Reply

  9. I really don’t mean to sound lecture-y before the baby is even born, but you’re right in wanting to feed when the baby is hungry; scheduling a newborn’s breastfeeding is the fastest way to sabotage your nursing relationship. You really ought to be sleeping with the baby, because they will almost inevitably give it formula or a pacifier in the nursery. And your life will be easier if there is someone else in the room with you. But the baby is going to want to nurse a lot because it’s what comforts him/her and brings your milk in (you know not to fall for the old baby-needs-formula-until-your-milk-comes-in thing, right?). Anyway, I can’t imagine my first night with either of mine without P there.
    I’m still a little shocked that they do shared rooms. I didn’t know anywhere still did that. It’s odd, given that the birth center seems so progressive and is in the same hospital.

    Reply

  10. I really don’t mean to sound lecture-y before the baby is even born, but you’re right in wanting to feed when the baby is hungry; scheduling a newborn’s breastfeeding is the fastest way to sabotage your nursing relationship. You really ought to be sleeping with the baby, because they will almost inevitably give it formula or a pacifier in the nursery. And your life will be easier if there is someone else in the room with you. But the baby is going to want to nurse a lot because it’s what comforts him/her and brings your milk in (you know not to fall for the old baby-needs-formula-until-your-milk-comes-in thing, right?). Anyway, I can’t imagine my first night with either of mine without P there.
    I’m still a little shocked that they do shared rooms. I didn’t know anywhere still did that. It’s odd, given that the birth center seems so progressive and is in the same hospital.

    Reply

  11. I really don’t mean to sound lecture-y before the baby is even born, but you’re right in wanting to feed when the baby is hungry; scheduling a newborn’s breastfeeding is the fastest way to sabotage your nursing relationship. You really ought to be sleeping with the baby, because they will almost inevitably give it formula or a pacifier in the nursery. And your life will be easier if there is someone else in the room with you. But the baby is going to want to nurse a lot because it’s what comforts him/her and brings your milk in (you know not to fall for the old baby-needs-formula-until-your-milk-comes-in thing, right?). Anyway, I can’t imagine my first night with either of mine without P there.
    I’m still a little shocked that they do shared rooms. I didn’t know anywhere still did that. It’s odd, given that the birth center seems so progressive and is in the same hospital.

    Reply

  12. And the baby should be nursing a minimum of every two hours, not just at 2 am.

    Reply

  13. Yuck – semiprivate rooms. You’ll be getting little enough sleep as it is without having to deal with someone else snoring or their screaming baby. I’ll make the decision easy for you – go the birthing center route. Or just go home!
    even though they will promise to bring you the baby to breast feed at 2am.
    Is that the ONLY time they’ll bring the baby? Because for all 3 of my births, I sent the baby to the nursery for an hour or two and as soon as the baby would wake up they would bring her to me. I’m not really against scheduling as someone else mentioned above, but absolutely not the first night! And a baby can’t go more then 2-3 hours without feeding anyway.

    Reply

  14. Yuck – semiprivate rooms. You’ll be getting little enough sleep as it is without having to deal with someone else snoring or their screaming baby. I’ll make the decision easy for you – go the birthing center route. Or just go home!
    even though they will promise to bring you the baby to breast feed at 2am.
    Is that the ONLY time they’ll bring the baby? Because for all 3 of my births, I sent the baby to the nursery for an hour or two and as soon as the baby would wake up they would bring her to me. I’m not really against scheduling as someone else mentioned above, but absolutely not the first night! And a baby can’t go more then 2-3 hours without feeding anyway.

    Reply

    • Yes, I agree, I need to confirm that if we went that way that the baby would come to me every time it wakes up. I’m going to ask my midwife next time I see her.
      I do love the birthing center idea. The only thing holding me back is that dratted epidural. I’m not so attached to the idea of having one as I am attached to the idea of keeping that option. Since I’ve never done this before I feel better keeping all my doors open.

      Reply

    • Yes, I agree, I need to confirm that if we went that way that the baby would come to me every time it wakes up. I’m going to ask my midwife next time I see her.
      I do love the birthing center idea. The only thing holding me back is that dratted epidural. I’m not so attached to the idea of having one as I am attached to the idea of keeping that option. Since I’ve never done this before I feel better keeping all my doors open.

      Reply

    • Yes, I agree, I need to confirm that if we went that way that the baby would come to me every time it wakes up. I’m going to ask my midwife next time I see her.
      I do love the birthing center idea. The only thing holding me back is that dratted epidural. I’m not so attached to the idea of having one as I am attached to the idea of keeping that option. Since I’ve never done this before I feel better keeping all my doors open.

      Reply

    • Yes, I agree, I need to confirm that if we went that way that the baby would come to me every time it wakes up. I’m going to ask my midwife next time I see her.
      I do love the birthing center idea. The only thing holding me back is that dratted epidural. I’m not so attached to the idea of having one as I am attached to the idea of keeping that option. Since I’ve never done this before I feel better keeping all my doors open.

      Reply

  15. Yuck – semiprivate rooms. You’ll be getting little enough sleep as it is without having to deal with someone else snoring or their screaming baby. I’ll make the decision easy for you – go the birthing center route. Or just go home!
    even though they will promise to bring you the baby to breast feed at 2am.
    Is that the ONLY time they’ll bring the baby? Because for all 3 of my births, I sent the baby to the nursery for an hour or two and as soon as the baby would wake up they would bring her to me. I’m not really against scheduling as someone else mentioned above, but absolutely not the first night! And a baby can’t go more then 2-3 hours without feeding anyway.

    Reply

  16. Yuck – semiprivate rooms. You’ll be getting little enough sleep as it is without having to deal with someone else snoring or their screaming baby. I’ll make the decision easy for you – go the birthing center route. Or just go home!
    even though they will promise to bring you the baby to breast feed at 2am.
    Is that the ONLY time they’ll bring the baby? Because for all 3 of my births, I sent the baby to the nursery for an hour or two and as soon as the baby would wake up they would bring her to me. I’m not really against scheduling as someone else mentioned above, but absolutely not the first night! And a baby can’t go more then 2-3 hours without feeding anyway.

    Reply

  17. Yuck – semiprivate rooms. You’ll be getting little enough sleep as it is without having to deal with someone else snoring or their screaming baby. I’ll make the decision easy for you – go the birthing center route. Or just go home!
    even though they will promise to bring you the baby to breast feed at 2am.
    Is that the ONLY time they’ll bring the baby? Because for all 3 of my births, I sent the baby to the nursery for an hour or two and as soon as the baby would wake up they would bring her to me. I’m not really against scheduling as someone else mentioned above, but absolutely not the first night! And a baby can’t go more then 2-3 hours without feeding anyway.

    Reply

  18. Semiprivate room? Thumbs down. And Daddy can’t stay with you and the baby? Forget that. Since your doc/midwife is OK with the birthing center, it really doesn’t even sound like a contest to me.

    Reply

  19. Semiprivate room? Thumbs down. And Daddy can’t stay with you and the baby? Forget that. Since your doc/midwife is OK with the birthing center, it really doesn’t even sound like a contest to me.

    Reply

    • It’s really the availability of the walking epidural that keeps regular L&D in the mix. I don’t know that I want that, but I don’t know that I don’t. You can get meds for pain relief in the birthing center, but I’d rather not take anything via the IV.
      I think I need to spend some time chatting with my midwife or my OB.

      Reply

    • It’s really the availability of the walking epidural that keeps regular L&D in the mix. I don’t know that I want that, but I don’t know that I don’t. You can get meds for pain relief in the birthing center, but I’d rather not take anything via the IV.
      I think I need to spend some time chatting with my midwife or my OB.

      Reply

    • It’s really the availability of the walking epidural that keeps regular L&D in the mix. I don’t know that I want that, but I don’t know that I don’t. You can get meds for pain relief in the birthing center, but I’d rather not take anything via the IV.
      I think I need to spend some time chatting with my midwife or my OB.

      Reply

    • It’s really the availability of the walking epidural that keeps regular L&D in the mix. I don’t know that I want that, but I don’t know that I don’t. You can get meds for pain relief in the birthing center, but I’d rather not take anything via the IV.
      I think I need to spend some time chatting with my midwife or my OB.

      Reply

  20. Semiprivate room? Thumbs down. And Daddy can’t stay with you and the baby? Forget that. Since your doc/midwife is OK with the birthing center, it really doesn’t even sound like a contest to me.

    Reply

  21. Semiprivate room? Thumbs down. And Daddy can’t stay with you and the baby? Forget that. Since your doc/midwife is OK with the birthing center, it really doesn’t even sound like a contest to me.

    Reply

  22. Semiprivate room? Thumbs down. And Daddy can’t stay with you and the baby? Forget that. Since your doc/midwife is OK with the birthing center, it really doesn’t even sound like a contest to me.

    Reply

  23. I agree with you totally. I want to ask my midwife, since she’s delivered lots of babies there, to confirm that they will bring the baby (if we go that route) as often as the baby wakes up.
    I was shocked by the shared rooms too. I’ve heard from every friend who’s had a baby there: Labor and delivery — best in the world. Post-partum — kind of sucks. I guess it’s because so many women want to deliver there that they run out of space.

    Reply

  24. PS — Don’t worry about sounding lecture-y. I can take i.

    Reply

  25. Yes, I agree, I need to confirm that if we went that way that the baby would come to me every time it wakes up. I’m going to ask my midwife next time I see her.
    I do love the birthing center idea. The only thing holding me back is that dratted epidural. I’m not so attached to the idea of having one as I am attached to the idea of keeping that option. Since I’ve never done this before I feel better keeping all my doors open.

    Reply

  26. It’s really the availability of the walking epidural that keeps regular L&D in the mix. I don’t know that I want that, but I don’t know that I don’t. You can get meds for pain relief in the birthing center, but I’d rather not take anything via the IV.
    I think I need to spend some time chatting with my midwife or my OB.

    Reply

  27. I had no trouble at all with Anya, but you know I’ve had no end of troubles with Ezra. None of our problems were caused by outside influences like overscheduling, intervening nurses, pacis, bottles, all that, but if we had those things on top of the problems we’ve had it would have been nearly impossible to get this far. If I didn’t have the support system I do or the education on this that I have, I’d probably have given up long ago. This whole experience has changed my automatic assumption that non-nursers are slackers–many people wouldn’t have the support I do and would be more easily discouraged–but obviously I feel passionately about this or I wouldn’t still be plugging along. I hate to see people who wouldn’t otherwise have problems be thwarted by circumstances that were avoidable, you know? You’ve also got to look to, also. Learning to breastfeed comfortably and successfully (and lying down, a necessary skill later when you want to sleep) can be a process, and I want it to go as smoothly for you as possible. I’m nosy like that. 🙂

    Reply

  28. I mentioned the shared rooms to P and he asked where you live. I said, “New York City,” and he did a double take and said, “I was expecting like El Salvador or something!” I just thought you’d get a kick out of that. He loved the idea of the big bed in the birth center after two births where he slept on a pullout sofa/chair thing.

    Reply

  29. I completely appreciate it. My LJ friends are really my best source of support for this pregnancy. I take your point about how regrettable interventions can make a bad situation worse. I’m trying to get myself into a place where I give us all the best possible positioning without actually giving myself the illusion that I’m totally in control. But I am totally committed to breast feeding, so I’m willing to go to the mat on that. You and Ez are a good example that persistence pays.

    Reply

  30. For some reason that made me laugh out loud. I’m glad I’m not alone in finding the shared rooms/no dads rule barbaric. I really am lured by the king-sized bed. Maybe the plan will be to start in the birthing center and just know I can ask for a transfer if I need it.

    Reply

  31. It made me laugh out loud too, just because I didn’t expect it. Sometimes the man is funny. 🙂

    Reply

  32. You’re welcome, any time.
    The next one will be a girl, in case you’re wondering.

    Reply

  33. The next one is coming from China, so I will be shocked if you are wrong.

    Reply

  34. Okay, I admit, that was an easier one to predict.

    Reply

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