jaysaint Getting it all down on paper…

I have this friend. And every time I call him and his roommate answers the phone, the roommate acts like it tries his very last nerve to have to speak to me. I think I’ll start calling the cell. Except that I hate when people call cells without a good reason. That’s what our home phones are for. I don’t know, I guess I’m moving away from that attitude.

Anyway, I know it’s the height of narcissism to think the roommate’s attitude has anything in the world to do with me. But there it is. I mean, I know this guy. I’ve stayed with them. I told them how to get rid of the fruit flies in their kitchen — and it totally worked. I don’t like him.

I guess I’m a little huffy this evening. I had a trying day at work. And even though I left feeling a little better about it, I think I’d used up all my patience and good humor.

But I had a very nice dinner — leftovers of the swordfish and black bean sauce I made on Monday. Zoe lucked into a nice piece of fish so she’s feeling good.

And now I’ve got some good-smelling candles burning, which is such an easy way to raise my spirits that it makes me feel a little cheap. But in a good way.

And I’ve resolved to be a better daughter to my mother. So now this journal can hold me accountable.

I’m getting NOTHING done today. It’s just one of those days when I feel really still. I don’t know how to describe it other than sometimes my muscles all feel weird, like they need to be stretched. But I can’t stretch far enough to get the weird feeling out. I think it’s probably just some subterranean anxiety, which is actually good news because that will get shaken off in a few days.

I’m contemplating heading out to the movies, I haven’t seen anything since Pirates of the Carribbean. But it’s almost 4pm and I’m still in my pajamas, so you do the math.

Maybe I’ll have some chocolate soy milk.

So I’m sitting here watching the new Newlywed Game and I’m… baffled. I heard once that you have to fail an intelligence test to get on this show, and it’s not hard to believe. Really. I’m not doing that intellectual snobby game show response. These people seem really dumb.

I wonder if I’ll ever stop being reactive about work. I’m thankful that I mask things masterfully. No one would ever know that after every meeting I walk out thinking, “XYZ person clearly hates me. I’ve been revealed as a fraud.” I go through this boring blah blah that’s really narcissistic. I’m sure my boss hates me, thinks I’m stupid, is sorry she hired me. She may have been singing my praises on Friday, but if she’s crabby on Monday… It’s like I’m four. It’s all about me.

It does help to have a small, warm cat in my lap looking up at me like I hung the moon

I went to the doctor today. My blood pressure is 90/60. My temperature is 97. It seems I’m barely alive.

Tomorrow we’re having a fake 9am meeting to eat bagels with my boss Jody because today was her birthday. I’m giving it 50/50 odds that she blows off the meeting since she doesn’t know it’s actually for her. The only thing that will get her there is that her boss is on the agenda.

We shall see shortly.

Well, my Mom’s great furniture, and mountain of junk, have all safely arrived and I’ve started to make good progress throught the mess. I think it currently looks worse than it is. Once I get all the Good Will stuf out of here that will make an enormous difference. But I don’t want to kid myself, there’s still plenty to do.

But today will not be all work. I’ll be getting out of the apartment for the first time in a few days. I may be meeting Lisa for a walk. But more exciting is that Jason is taking me to a wine dinner tonight. I’m so happy that he’s here. It’s a perfect setup. He’s got a line on lots of fun stuff for us to do, and much of it is both fancy and free. Jason is married to his longtime sweetheart Elizabeth, who just had their baby a few weeks ago. That’s why I’m getting to go on all his fun work events with him, she’s recovering, nursing, etc. I like to spend a few minutes every time I talk to him asking him about Elizabeth and his son Sebastion because it’s so sweet to listen to him rhapsodize about them.