jaysaint Getting it all down on paper…

I freely admit that I’m still in the angry, chair-kicking frame of mind. I’m bereaved over what my country has chosen for itself. And my feelings toward many of my fellow Americans are vengenful and harsh.

But I aspire to the position of my friend James, who sent this this morning:

Today is a new beginning. It’s the day I commit myself to be more of an activist. To speak out, loudly, against injustice and unfairness. It’s the day I program the phone numbers of my Congressman and Senators into my cell phone. It’s the day I reach deeper into my pocket and into my heart and give more of my money and my time to support the things I care about most. It’s the day I re-read the Constitution so I know how to defend attacks against it. It’s the day I console those who will be most hurt by this President and Congress who are so less fortunate than me.

It’s the day I give thanks that I live in a country where free and open elections can be held and that the will of the people is accepted and affirmed with no unrest, no violence or uncertainty of government. It’s the day I look to the future and define what I want it to be for me and for those I care about. It’s the day I swear to move forward towards that future–a better one–by putting one foot in front of the other, bringing others with me, even if that means carrying those who cannot walk towards it alone.

It’s the day I promise to bring hope to the hopeless, to become a leader, not a follower, and to “be the change I want to see in the world.”

Join me.

So my personal laptop is broken. The power cord took too hard a yank and now the power isn’t reaching the machine. I feel asea because I don’t know anyone who can give me a recommendation. I found a repair place that seems good, but pretty expensive. I also found some repair services on Craig’s List. I was all set to take it to some guy who I talked to who seemed to understand the problem. And then I cancelled when I realized that I was about to hand my laptop to a total stranger. I feel pretty sure that he’s legit. But is pretty sure good enough to walk away and leave something worth more than $1000 behind? I don’t kow about that. How do I find someone to fix my freaking computer??? Fortunately my work laptop does double duty just fine.

I’m happily bustling around the apartment, cleaning, working, cooking… I should be in fair shape by the time Damon gets here. Whether or not I go to the East Village Halloween parade is still up in the air. Inertia may have me securely in its grip. But it’s a good kind of inertia, I feel content.

At this moment I’ve taken a cookies and ‘Mary Poppins’ break. I’ll have to be careful or I’ll eat all the cookies I made yesteday, which wasn’t my original intention.

How could you not love Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews?

I just called my grandmother (or step-grandmother, to be precise) for a little chat. She asked if Damon was coming home tomorrow night and I told her he was. She asked if I was going to put on a costume and I told her I was debating that.

I did think it would be funny if he came home and I was in a costume.

But then she says, “You have to be something sexy.” And I say, “I think I have a clown suit in my closet.” And she says, “No clown! Sexy!”

And I had this sense of dislocation. Is my grandma telling me to be sexy? I don’t know that my grandpa would have condoned this line of advice. But I thought it was funny. I still may wear the clown suit, which I also think would be funny. And easy. And comfortable, since I’ll probably fall asleep waiting for him.

I hate to admit that part of the reason I’m updating so much today is that I feel a little bit chilled, and it’s so nice with my warm little computer snuggled up in my lap. Every time I walk by it I look for an excuse to use it.

I’m indulging the cold-weather feeling by watching ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ It’s colorized, but I can’t help that. It’s the only one I’ve got. Jimmy Stewart. My goodness. Then and now, he might be my number one movie hearthrob.

I’ve baked some cookies and they’re cooling on the stove. I’m wearing flannel pants. Perhaps I’ll even take a nap after I see how everyone’s life would be different if it weren’t for George Bailey. Wasn’t there a Seinfeld where George got the same treatment, and he saw the everyone would have been much better off without him?

Sarah turns 30 today! I think that wraps up the 20s for me. All of my friends have bumped up into our shiny new decade. I was happy and relieved to hit 30 — it felt good to get another 10-year section that I could start with a clean slate. I wish I were in Atlanta today to take her to Sheba for dinner.