Cats

So this is a bad thing. You may remember a while back we agonized forever about whether we should get a second cat to keep Zoe company.

We finally found Sam, who was everything we wanted in terms of our best shot at building a friendship.

Several months later, it’s still not working out. We can’t let them out together at the same time.

Believe me, I have heard the whole idea of letting them work it out. And if you don’t believe me that that isn’t an option, you will just have to accept that we’re not going to do it. They do not hiss and hide, Zoe screams and they fight.

We cannot have this.

I have read everything I can lay my hands on. We’ve tried Rescue Remedy and Feliway. We’ve tried feeding them on either side of the door. We’ve tried squirting them when they get nasty with each other. We’ve tried reassuring them. We’ve tried ignoring them.

Damon said to me tonight: Do we need to find another home for Sam?

And my heart is just breaking because I couldn’t justify saying: Absolutely not!

We’ve agreed to try everything, really put our backs into it, through April. And if there’s no progress we’re going to have to have this conversation again.

Any thoughts that aren’t already covered above are most welcome.

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12 responses to this post.

  1. Is sam a girl or a boy?
    There are a couple of medicine options…dont know how you feel about them.
    I have two cats who have never been able to stand one another. 4 years of marriage and the peeing and the spraying was still happening.
    We noticed that Wendy was pretty darned aggressive and noted this to the vet. The vet gave us two options to try. zoloft and hormones. His theory was that wendy was menopausal and the hormone imbalance was making her crazy. We put her on hormones (1 pill a week as opposed to 1 per day) and the fighting has stopped. The peeing and spraying and fighting and bleeding, all of it gone. (0ne cat was mine, the other was brandons before marriage. We didnt have the option of getting rid of one)

    Reply

  2. Is sam a girl or a boy?
    There are a couple of medicine options…dont know how you feel about them.
    I have two cats who have never been able to stand one another. 4 years of marriage and the peeing and the spraying was still happening.
    We noticed that Wendy was pretty darned aggressive and noted this to the vet. The vet gave us two options to try. zoloft and hormones. His theory was that wendy was menopausal and the hormone imbalance was making her crazy. We put her on hormones (1 pill a week as opposed to 1 per day) and the fighting has stopped. The peeing and spraying and fighting and bleeding, all of it gone. (0ne cat was mine, the other was brandons before marriage. We didnt have the option of getting rid of one)

    Reply

    • Sam’s a 5-year-old boy, Zoe’s a 16-year-old girl.
      Thanks for that story, it definitely made me feel more hopeful. I’ve been looking for a new vet for Zoe and some helpful meds will be first on the agenda. I’m hoping to get that into play in the next week. I’m happy to give them both whatever happy pills would enable us all to be in the same room without a rumble.

      Reply

  3. I, m’self, would find a new home for Sam. And not because I don’t care for cats, which I don’t, especially.
    You’ve tried for several months and no cigar. Meanwhile, Sam is more and more tense and Zoe is freaked out. They don’t have the ability to tell us, however, things like “Look, my stomach is in knots over this” or “My head wants to bust wide open” or “I am going to have a nervous breakdown” or “I want to just die.” Yet they do have very real feelings and they do suffer. It is, unfortunately, a big responsibility, but we are their stewards and it’s our job to make sure they’re safe and happy and healthy.
    If it were a question of one sibling not liking another, of course you’d have to tell them to suck it up and learn to love each other, but these are animals, and you’re not required to keep them together come hell or high water.

    Reply

  4. I, m’self, would find a new home for Sam. And not because I don’t care for cats, which I don’t, especially.
    You’ve tried for several months and no cigar. Meanwhile, Sam is more and more tense and Zoe is freaked out. They don’t have the ability to tell us, however, things like “Look, my stomach is in knots over this” or “My head wants to bust wide open” or “I am going to have a nervous breakdown” or “I want to just die.” Yet they do have very real feelings and they do suffer. It is, unfortunately, a big responsibility, but we are their stewards and it’s our job to make sure they’re safe and happy and healthy.
    If it were a question of one sibling not liking another, of course you’d have to tell them to suck it up and learn to love each other, but these are animals, and you’re not required to keep them together come hell or high water.

    Reply

    • You’re very right about their feelings, and that will be the only thing that keeps me sane if it comes to finding him another home. I’m going to see if a vet can help us, per WillowKitty’s good advice. And if we’re out of options then we’ll do what we don’t want to do.

      Reply

  5. You’re very right about their feelings, and that will be the only thing that keeps me sane if it comes to finding him another home. I’m going to see if a vet can help us, per WillowKitty’s good advice. And if we’re out of options then we’ll do what we don’t want to do.

    Reply

  6. Ya know, a lesser person might say “I told you so.” He might remind you that he advised against upsetting poor old Zoe’s life by introducing someone new; that it seemed a decent thing to let Zoe live out her life as Queen of the Roost, and not bring in Replacement Pet until she actually needed replacing. Those are among the things a lesser person might say. And you know what? I AM THAT LESSER PERSON! I TOLD you it was a bad idea! Poor Zoe; poor Sam – caught up now in a mess that was not of their making!
    OK, that’s it for me. How ’bout some Mexican?…

    Reply

  7. Ya know, a lesser person might say “I told you so.” He might remind you that he advised against upsetting poor old Zoe’s life by introducing someone new; that it seemed a decent thing to let Zoe live out her life as Queen of the Roost, and not bring in Replacement Pet until she actually needed replacing. Those are among the things a lesser person might say. And you know what? I AM THAT LESSER PERSON! I TOLD you it was a bad idea! Poor Zoe; poor Sam – caught up now in a mess that was not of their making!
    OK, that’s it for me. How ’bout some Mexican?…

    Reply

  8. Sam’s a 5-year-old boy, Zoe’s a 16-year-old girl.
    Thanks for that story, it definitely made me feel more hopeful. I’ve been looking for a new vet for Zoe and some helpful meds will be first on the agenda. I’m hoping to get that into play in the next week. I’m happy to give them both whatever happy pills would enable us all to be in the same room without a rumble.

    Reply

  9. It’s a good think you’re not the kind of lesser person who would kick a friend when she’s down. That would be bad.

    Reply

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