Assuming the Fetal Position

It’s been an eventful 24 hours, at least emotionally. Practically, I haven’t much left the living room.

The short version:
There have been rumored changes coming in the Chinese adoption requirements. We honestly haven’t given them much thought, as we’re safely in the age, health and salary requirements. Every hint of change has been regarding things that wouldn’t affect us. Yesterday we learned what looks like it will be the official new requirements list — I’d say it’s a 90 % lock. And we’re affected. Or rather, I’m affected. One of the new rules is that any person with a prior divorce would have to be in his or her current marriage for five years. Damon and I have been married for almost a year and a half. Not even close. My first marriage was finished over 10 years ago, and yet here it is in my lap. So. It’s likely that the requirements will change on May 1. Anyone safely logged into China by then will be exempted. Which means we’d have to have all our paperwork into our agency by April 1 for critical review and translation. If everything goes as it should, we’ll be able to do that. But. One hiccup with immigration, one document lost in the mail, one smudged set of fingerprints, and we could roll past the deadline. And then there’s nowhere to go. We will have spent thousands of dollars and half a year, and it will all go away.

I know we could try another country. Or adopt domestically. Or try fertility treatments. And we probably would get our acts together and do one of those things. But we will have spent half our adoption money trying for China, and none of that comes back. And we will have spent well more than half of our sanity and backbone getting through the arduous China adoption process. So when I contemplate what it would take to start trying something new I feel far — like galaxies away — from being able to do that.

Steadfast Damon has reminded me that we cannot afford to panic right now. And he’s right. And there’s still a very real chance we can get this done. I hate that it’s mostly not in our control — we can’t make US Immigration move any faster. But that doesn’t mean they won’t come through for us.

I just… we chose China because we thought it would be so solid, so reliable. For that, we were willing to endure the endless wait and the expensive and extensive process. The most important element is that we never wanted to feel like our adoption was in jeopardy. As our social worker said, “God bless the communists, they’re totally predictable.” This is why I think I’m having such a hard time getting my equilibrium back.

This post is a bit raw. And I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m feeling sorry for myself. Even if I totally am. Everyone here has been so lovely about our various attempts to get a kid. I did want to write this as honestly as I could.

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36 responses to this post.

  1. when that rug gets yanked out, it takes a minute to figure out whether you’re actually still standing on the bare floor. you’ll get your equilibrium back, and from what I’ve seen, you will do your best with whatever circumstances occur. I’ll be hoping for the very best for you.

    Reply

  2. when that rug gets yanked out, it takes a minute to figure out whether you’re actually still standing on the bare floor. you’ll get your equilibrium back, and from what I’ve seen, you will do your best with whatever circumstances occur. I’ll be hoping for the very best for you.

    Reply

  3. when that rug gets yanked out, it takes a minute to figure out whether you’re actually still standing on the bare floor. you’ll get your equilibrium back, and from what I’ve seen, you will do your best with whatever circumstances occur. I’ll be hoping for the very best for you.

    Reply

  4. when that rug gets yanked out, it takes a minute to figure out whether you’re actually still standing on the bare floor. you’ll get your equilibrium back, and from what I’ve seen, you will do your best with whatever circumstances occur. I’ll be hoping for the very best for you.

    Reply

  5. Damon has reminded me that we cannot afford to panic right now.
    Nor, if all you’ve written here is accurate, is there even a need to panic right now.
    Take a few deep breaths and soldier on. This will happen.

    Reply

  6. Damon has reminded me that we cannot afford to panic right now.
    Nor, if all you’ve written here is accurate, is there even a need to panic right now.
    Take a few deep breaths and soldier on. This will happen.

    Reply

  7. Damon has reminded me that we cannot afford to panic right now.
    Nor, if all you’ve written here is accurate, is there even a need to panic right now.
    Take a few deep breaths and soldier on. This will happen.

    Reply

  8. Damon has reminded me that we cannot afford to panic right now.
    Nor, if all you’ve written here is accurate, is there even a need to panic right now.
    Take a few deep breaths and soldier on. This will happen.

    Reply

  9. empathy, sympathy, and well-wishes
    I hate that blind-sided boot in the gut sensation. I hate that lack of control, too. I hope that immigration goes slick and smooth for you, and that this works out.

    Reply

  10. empathy, sympathy, and well-wishes
    I hate that blind-sided boot in the gut sensation. I hate that lack of control, too. I hope that immigration goes slick and smooth for you, and that this works out.

    Reply

  11. empathy, sympathy, and well-wishes
    I hate that blind-sided boot in the gut sensation. I hate that lack of control, too. I hope that immigration goes slick and smooth for you, and that this works out.

    Reply

  12. empathy, sympathy, and well-wishes
    I hate that blind-sided boot in the gut sensation. I hate that lack of control, too. I hope that immigration goes slick and smooth for you, and that this works out.

    Reply

  13. Remain Calm.
    This is all going to work out. It is.

    Reply

  14. Remain Calm.
    This is all going to work out. It is.

    Reply

  15. Remain Calm.
    This is all going to work out. It is.

    Reply

  16. Remain Calm.
    This is all going to work out. It is.

    Reply

  17. Oh man. I hate that feeling of somebody else needing to have their ducks in a row for you to get things done. But just remember that this can very easily still happen with no snags. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    Reply

  18. Oh man. I hate that feeling of somebody else needing to have their ducks in a row for you to get things done. But just remember that this can very easily still happen with no snags. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    Reply

  19. Oh man. I hate that feeling of somebody else needing to have their ducks in a row for you to get things done. But just remember that this can very easily still happen with no snags. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    Reply

  20. Oh man. I hate that feeling of somebody else needing to have their ducks in a row for you to get things done. But just remember that this can very easily still happen with no snags. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    Reply

  21. Don’t panic now. You’re not out of the game yet. Given what you’ve written, the odds still seem in your favor to get locked-in by the deadline.
    If there is someone at Immigration you work with, now might be a good time to send them a batch of fresh baked cookies, or a bouquet of flowers, or a handful of unmarked bills….

    Reply

  22. Don’t panic now. You’re not out of the game yet. Given what you’ve written, the odds still seem in your favor to get locked-in by the deadline.
    If there is someone at Immigration you work with, now might be a good time to send them a batch of fresh baked cookies, or a bouquet of flowers, or a handful of unmarked bills….

    Reply

  23. Don’t panic now. You’re not out of the game yet. Given what you’ve written, the odds still seem in your favor to get locked-in by the deadline.
    If there is someone at Immigration you work with, now might be a good time to send them a batch of fresh baked cookies, or a bouquet of flowers, or a handful of unmarked bills….

    Reply

  24. Don’t panic now. You’re not out of the game yet. Given what you’ve written, the odds still seem in your favor to get locked-in by the deadline.
    If there is someone at Immigration you work with, now might be a good time to send them a batch of fresh baked cookies, or a bouquet of flowers, or a handful of unmarked bills….

    Reply

  25. It’s been said before, but I’ll say it again : Don’t Panic.
    It will all work out. Really.

    Reply

  26. It’s been said before, but I’ll say it again : Don’t Panic.
    It will all work out. Really.

    Reply

  27. It’s been said before, but I’ll say it again : Don’t Panic.
    It will all work out. Really.

    Reply

  28. It’s been said before, but I’ll say it again : Don’t Panic.
    It will all work out. Really.

    Reply

  29. It’s so easy to say just don’t panic but so hard not to, isn’t it? This will work out.

    Reply

  30. It’s so easy to say just don’t panic but so hard not to, isn’t it? This will work out.

    Reply

  31. It’s so easy to say just don’t panic but so hard not to, isn’t it? This will work out.

    Reply

  32. It’s so easy to say just don’t panic but so hard not to, isn’t it? This will work out.

    Reply

  33. I’m sorry 😦
    You are absolutely allowed to feel sorry for yourself right now. Tomorrow (or the next day or the next day) you can pick yourself back up.
    Fingers crossed here that all goes the way it should!

    Reply

  34. I’m sorry 😦
    You are absolutely allowed to feel sorry for yourself right now. Tomorrow (or the next day or the next day) you can pick yourself back up.
    Fingers crossed here that all goes the way it should!

    Reply

  35. I’m sorry 😦
    You are absolutely allowed to feel sorry for yourself right now. Tomorrow (or the next day or the next day) you can pick yourself back up.
    Fingers crossed here that all goes the way it should!

    Reply

  36. I’m sorry 😦
    You are absolutely allowed to feel sorry for yourself right now. Tomorrow (or the next day or the next day) you can pick yourself back up.
    Fingers crossed here that all goes the way it should!

    Reply

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