I Know What I Would Do

I’m going to try to present this neutrally. I’m curious to hear what you think Damon should do.

When he was in college he befriended a girl who didn’t have much of a social circle. She had cerebral palsy and, seemingly, some emotional issues connected to the same. Their relationship was conducted via party conversations and the occasional phone call and email.

She began confiding in him more than he felt was comfortable. She also was pushing for more frequency of contact. He had no idea if her intentions were romantic, but he did his best to keep things where they were and stay out of the drama she tended to create. After graduation he faded out of her life fairly quickly.

Shortly after that she contacted his mother repeatedly over the course of several months, trying to locate him. His mom declined to share his contact information and she eventually gave up.

Now, about ten years later (she and Damon are both in their mid 30s), she’s found him on Facebook and sent a friend request. It came with a fairly involved note about how she’s still upset that he abandoned her and vanished, that she wants an explanation, wants to rekindle their friendship, etc. He decided to just ignore it. Multiple friend requests followed with an escalating level of ALL CAPS. Her final one went along the lines of, “I’ll never know why you hate me now so I’ll never have closure. But fine. I hope you’re happy. PS — I almost died six months ago.”

That was last week. Today he got an email from a woman he doesn’t know. She is a friend of this woman, and wanted to make an appeal to Damon to contact her. She said it’s very important and that a simple hello would bring this sick woman a lot of joy.

Damon has always felt sorry about the emotional distress she experiences, self created or not. I can see him starting to crack and want to send her a “I just got really busy so please don’t take it personally. I’m still really busy, but I hope you’re happy and well.” kind of email.

Smart internet friends, what say you?

Advertisements

30 responses to this post.

  1. I’d say he doesn’t need to give in to emotional blackmail.

    Reply

  2. I’d say he doesn’t need to give in to emotional blackmail.

    Reply

  3. Step away from the keyboard, Damon.

    Reply

  4. Step away from the keyboard, Damon.

    Reply

  5. “TELL ME YOU LOVE ME, DAMON. NOW!!!!!!”
    Seriously, why is he negotiating with terrorists? Nothing good will come out of this.

    Reply

  6. “TELL ME YOU LOVE ME, DAMON. NOW!!!!!!”
    Seriously, why is he negotiating with terrorists? Nothing good will come out of this.

    Reply

  7. Stay away, Damon. Do not step into this quicksand.

    Reply

  8. Stay away, Damon. Do not step into this quicksand.

    Reply

  9. Hehe, that was not a particularly neutral presentation. But that doesn’t make you any less right. The internet is a great place to avoid people and this woman sounds like a perfect one to avoid.

    Reply

  10. Hehe, that was not a particularly neutral presentation. But that doesn’t make you any less right. The internet is a great place to avoid people and this woman sounds like a perfect one to avoid.

    Reply

  11. Don’t go there.

    Reply

  12. Don’t go there.

    Reply

  13. He needs to not reply or he will be sucked in farther and be put in a situation where he’ll HAVE to tell this girl he’s not interested at all and THEN there will be an even bigger sh!t storm. I speak from experience.
    This girl obviously doesn’t understand social cues, it’s not his job to teach her.

    Reply

  14. He needs to not reply or he will be sucked in farther and be put in a situation where he’ll HAVE to tell this girl he’s not interested at all and THEN there will be an even bigger sh!t storm. I speak from experience.
    This girl obviously doesn’t understand social cues, it’s not his job to teach her.

    Reply

  15. She sounds like a stalker. Do not go there, Damon.
    A man said to the universe:
    “Sir I exist!”
    “However,” replied the universe,
    “The fact has not created in me
    A sense of obligation.”
    – Stephen Crane

    Reply

  16. She sounds like a stalker. Do not go there, Damon.
    A man said to the universe:
    “Sir I exist!”
    “However,” replied the universe,
    “The fact has not created in me
    A sense of obligation.”
    – Stephen Crane

    Reply

  17. If he’s getting email from another woman about this acquaintance, obviously she has a support network in place already. She does not need Damon’s involvement. He’s done well so far in not engaging her, and he should keep it up.

    Reply

  18. If he’s getting email from another woman about this acquaintance, obviously she has a support network in place already. She does not need Damon’s involvement. He’s done well so far in not engaging her, and he should keep it up.

    Reply

  19. Hm. This is definitely a hard one- my first inclination is for Damon to stay far away from her. But then I sort of think that he should find a way to simply tell her that while it was nice to be friends back in the day, he is not interested in reconnecting with her. She’ll probably write again asking “whywhywhywhyyyyy?” and he can just repeat that he has no interest in reconnecting and that she should not contact him any further. I’m having a hard time putting my finger on exactly why I think he should confront it, but for some reason it seems important. Just my .02 anyway. 🙂

    Reply

  20. Hm. This is definitely a hard one- my first inclination is for Damon to stay far away from her. But then I sort of think that he should find a way to simply tell her that while it was nice to be friends back in the day, he is not interested in reconnecting with her. She’ll probably write again asking “whywhywhywhyyyyy?” and he can just repeat that he has no interest in reconnecting and that she should not contact him any further. I’m having a hard time putting my finger on exactly why I think he should confront it, but for some reason it seems important. Just my .02 anyway. 🙂

    Reply

  21. i agree, that if he should avoid getting sucked into drama, but i also see this person as a human being who may genuinely not understand what happened. If there is a way for him to be honest with ehr, say “i felt like it was getting a little beyond my comfort zone back in the day, and i really need to not engage in this relationship again, you did not do anything wrong, but i do not want to be in contact with you. I wish you all the best. Please don’t contact me again, or have anyone you know contact me on your behalf, because that was not cool. please respect me and my wishes and do not contact me again.”
    She would then have the explanation she is asking for and he could block her from all online contact.

    Reply

  22. i agree, that if he should avoid getting sucked into drama, but i also see this person as a human being who may genuinely not understand what happened. If there is a way for him to be honest with ehr, say “i felt like it was getting a little beyond my comfort zone back in the day, and i really need to not engage in this relationship again, you did not do anything wrong, but i do not want to be in contact with you. I wish you all the best. Please don’t contact me again, or have anyone you know contact me on your behalf, because that was not cool. please respect me and my wishes and do not contact me again.”
    She would then have the explanation she is asking for and he could block her from all online contact.

    Reply

  23. Ha! I thought the same thing after I finished writing it. And then I thought, “Well, it’s more neutral than the one in my head.”

    Reply

  24. That Damon…always attracting the crazies (present company excluded).

    Reply

  25. That Damon…always attracting the crazies (present company excluded).

    Reply

  26. NOOOOOOO! Don’t do it!

    Reply

  27. NOOOOOOO! Don’t do it!

    Reply

  28. Nothing I want to say will be helpful or appropriate for a semi-public forum, especially since many of your readers don’t know me and would just read my comments as horrifying, rather than in the spirit intended. HAVING SAID THAT….. I think Damon needs to be prepared to take a paternity test. Because it’s easy for her to SAY that he’s the babydaddy, and what judge isn’t going to believe the poor wheelchair-bound, sobbing wretch, I ask you. And if Damon decides to go ahead with the plan to meet with, then subsequently kill her, make sure you think of everything! I know what I’m talking about here, believe me.

    Reply

  29. Nothing I want to say will be helpful or appropriate for a semi-public forum, especially since many of your readers don’t know me and would just read my comments as horrifying, rather than in the spirit intended. HAVING SAID THAT….. I think Damon needs to be prepared to take a paternity test. Because it’s easy for her to SAY that he’s the babydaddy, and what judge isn’t going to believe the poor wheelchair-bound, sobbing wretch, I ask you. And if Damon decides to go ahead with the plan to meet with, then subsequently kill her, make sure you think of everything! I know what I’m talking about here, believe me.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: