jaysaint Getting it all down on paper…

I’m doing this to qualify for a piece of customized art from raving_liberal

The first five people to respond to this post will get a surprise goody bag from me. I will make a good-faith effort to customize the bag to you. I will also make a good-faith effort to get them mailed in a timely way. I will promise they’ll be out the door by the end of this month.

The more guidance you choose to give me in your reply, the more likely that I will be able to surprise you, make you laugh or otherwise send something perfect.

The only catch: as with most memes, if you sign up, you have to put this in your own journal as well. Feel free to customize the offer. Give to receive and all that.

The major question of the morning is: Why on earth do restaurants make me wait until 11am or so for delivery? Can I be the only one who wants scallop curry for breakfast? I can’t believe that. I’m starving.

I think we’ve had a LJ exodus lately. ElectricRocket went to Mexico, FriendOfJack went to Canada, and I was in Turks and Caicos. It was such a last-minute thing that I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. Our mag was doing a “Pamper Your Marriage” week at the Beaches resort and a few weeks ago I had idly suggested that someone should record the expert presentations. We had some cool folks speaking (Scott Holzman, Tina Tessina, a few of our editors). At the time none of it was really my problem so I hadn’t even registered where the event would be held.

So Thursday night I get a call from or EIC. She’s in a cab and in a huge hurry.
Me: Hello?
Stacy: HeyIThinkYouShouldGoRecordPamperYourMarriageHaveJessMakeYourArrangementsBye.
Me: Hello? Stacy? Wait! Where are we going?
Stacy: TurksAndCaicosBye!

So arrangements were made and a few days later I was on the 7am flight to the Caribbean.

Yes, my job can be really cool sometimes.

Here are some high and lowlights:

I was flying by myself as each editor was on a different schedule. I was carrying the recording equipment since I didn’t have time to ship it all with confidence that it wouldn’t get held up in customs. So when I filled out the “business or pleasure?” part of the immigration documents I said “business.” I did hesitate, as I feared that was asking for scrutiny. But first, I was carrying a fair amount of professional-grade recording equipment and was alone, so chances of skating by seemed iffy. But more importantly, I’m unwilling to lie to immigration officials. I don’t care to risk any kind of legal entanglement. So, of course, immigration wanted to see my work papers, of which I had none. They held me for a while insisting that I couldn’t come into the country to work, even though I was working for a US company and wouldn’t be making any T&C money. Finally, they got bored and just let me go.

I got a lovely, warm welcome from the resort and the concierge walked me to my own little cabana. I could see the ocean from the bedroom. When she was showing me around she pointed out my stocked bar. I had two six packs of beer (Red Stripe and Miller), a bottle of red, a bottle of white, a bottle of champagne, and one each of rum and vodka. All of this was accompanied by snacks and various mixers and sodas. She says to me with a straight face: Just let me know if you need your bar restocked. Seriously, she knew I was only there for four days. Clearly, I can’t party like some of the other cabana holders.

It’s too bad Damon wasn’t there to help me with the bar. I’d been invited to bring a guest. But he had jury duty. That’s right, he had to give up a free trip to the tropics in order to do his civic duty. A round of applause for the husband.

Beaches is one of those all-inclusive resorts. And here’s where it tested my own sense of self: I had a very hard time with the food and turned my nose up at much of what was on offer. I think of myself as so easy going, easy to please. But I just could not get off the snobby on my reaction to things like frozen waffles on the breakfast bar in the morning. They didn’t even toast them, just set them next to the toaster for a do-it-yourself. All the juice tasted like that slushy stuff that comes from a tube. All the crab was krab. The peaches and pears on the salad bar were still floating in the syrup from their cans. Here and there I found some lovely things to eat. One morning a cook made me some fresh pancakes with crispy edges. Why don’t more people get their edges cripsy? It makes the pancakes a million times better. Maybe my standards have changed since I moved to New York and have access to all kinds of fabulous food. There’s so much restaurant competition here that bad places take a swift dive. I hate feeling like a snob. But I think that bad food is a deal breaker and is enough for me to say I’d never go back there on my own dime. I may even be hesitant to go on someone else’s.

Here’s something lovely, to balance the food review: The water. There were six (I think) sparkling pools with waterfalls and other fun details like swim-up bars or slides. And right behind the patio was the gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous ocean. Two minutes after the concierge left me to myself I was rushing into the waves. We were behind some sort of break, as there were almost no waves to speak of. That made it easy for me to swim up to about eight feet deep and still be able to look right past my toes at the shells on the bottom. I floated happily in the salt water and decided that this was well-worth the last-minute flight.

Also worth the flight: the stars. The only other times I’ve seen so many were on a cruise and in Hawaii. If you can get far enough from the big-ish cities it’s just non-stop twinkle.

And speaking of big-ish, Turks and Caicos is not. It’s a series of islands and we were on (I was told) the second-most populous: Providenciales (called Provo by the locals). From what I could see from the rides to and from the airport, it’s very lightly inhabited. Once you get off the beach it’s not very friendly looking. The land is mostly dust and brush. It looked dry. We certainly didn’t get the daily rain shower that you get in a lot of tropical places. It never rained a drop the whole time I was there.

I was delighted to get to bond with my fellow editors. We went swimming and to dinner every day. They’re fun. We watched a juggler perform and talked about vacations and weddings and boyfriends.

Since Beaches is “family-friendly” there were lots of kids around. They didn’t really bug me until the return flight, which every one of them was on. Only one plane goes out of T&C at a time, so getting away from any of them leaving on the same day was unlikely. All I can say about it is I’m firm in my belief that anyone under 18 should be checked with the luggage.

So now it’s 23 minutes until I can order my curry, which doesn’t seem so bad. And after that I’m going to have to brave my inbox and see what happened while I was gone. I see the counter is at 124 messages, so… blah.

I think most of my LJ friends are posting when I’m elsewhere, and gone when I’m here. I feel like I miss some good stuff.

Today I picked up our adoption physical reports from our doctor. Damon and I go to the same GP, so that made it convenient. We got tested up one side and down the other. I had to go back because the first time I couldn’t pee in the cup. I’m not squeamish about peeing in the cup, I was just empty. Since moving to NY I’ve developed the habit of running to the loo before I leave any building, as it’s always possible for transit to take much longer than you’d like. And no one wants to be trapped underground with a full bladder. But that’s no good when the place you’re going will want you to pee in that cup.

Anyway, the second time was a charm. We’ve come up free of any worrisome, or even interesting, conditions.

We had our first visit with the social worker, which was easy and low stress. We met for coffee near NYU, where she’s the head of the social work department. I think we’ll get along with her just fine.

I made the best little snack tonight. I had a small bag of fingerling potatoes that I bought at the farmers’ market — red, yellow and purple. I cut them into thirds, tossed them in olive oil and then sprinkled them liberally with sea salt and pepper. I popped them on the bottom rack of the oven at 450 degrees for about 10 minutes. Then I turned off the heat and let them sit in there another 10 or so. The didn’t last five minutes once I took them out. The skins had a nice snap and the flesh was soft but not mushy. Delicious.

Damon said he felt that we hadn’t gotten to see much of each other this past week, so he surprised me by taking the day off yesterday. Which was lovely and unexpected. We went to the farmers’ market, went to brunch with James and Charles, we took a long walk in the park.

Today I’m home alone. I’m camping on the couch in full control of the TiVo and the laptop. I’m eating cake. I’m supposed to go to some amazing market with Charles today, and also to run some errands. But I tend to defend my time alone with some degree of psychosis, so I’ve been putting it off. I say it’s 50/50 that we go later in the afternoon.

But at this moment I’m watching State and Main. I wonder if William H. Macy will be my boyfriend.

I know my subject line might lead you to believe that I saw someone famous at the awards party/dinner. And I did. But first I have to talk about my most important sighting, which happened today. Damon and I met James and Charles for brunch at the diner and who was at the table next to us? The Animal Cops! Two of the officers from Animal Precinct were right there, and their cruiser was parked right outside. I was having a hard time eating my tuna wrap, I was so excited. Chills.

Now, on to the party on Wednesday.

First, let me say to all those who said, “Oh, you’ll be fine.” I WASN’T ON THE LIST! It was just like I predicted so IN YOUR FACE reassuring friends. Yeah, I was on the press list rather than the guest list. so I was set for the “VIP” (whatever) cocktail party but there was no delicious banquet food for me. But Jesus smiled. Judith Bookbinder was a no-show and I snagged her seat with an assist from my boss Stacy.

Here’s the fun stuff: The ceremony was at the Waldorf Astoria. I’ve never been there and it was as poshy-swank as you might imagine. I reminded myself that nothing would stop a girl from swinging by for a drink. It’s not like they check your bank account balance at the door (I think). Stacy and I grabbed cocktails — my first of one (Thanks Samae!) and were chatting when she said, “Good sighting, coming up behind you.” I turned in slow motion and looked full into the face of David Bowie. I am not kidding people, it was The Thin White Duke himself, sailing my way. He looked beautiful, tailored, elegant — every way you’d want him to look. I didn’t get even a moment to recover before Iman (one of the evenings honorees) swung into view. And she, I must say, cannot possibly be human because her beauty and elegance: unearthly.

The extent of my contact with them was that I stood about five feet away from them at the cocktail party and then at dinner sat at the table behind them. And that was just about all I could handle. Dinner did bring a bonus sighting, as they were right next to Salman Rushdie and his girly-lady-friend. I wanted to say to him, “I found The Satanic Verses impenetrable but I fully support your right to publish without getting murdered.”

So while I did not meet the uber-super-stars, I did get one meeting that, in all sincerity, meant a lot to me. Gloria Steinem. I love her. My love for her is based on nothing less than overwhelming gratitude. I lay many of the good things in my life at the feet of Gloria and her contemporaries. So after the requisite chit chat of an introduction I said to her, “I feel like I need to say this to you: Unlike many people who I’ve admired over many years, you have never let me down. Thank you.” She replied, “That’s really a wonderful gift. Thank you for saying that.” So gracious. And I’m sure as soon as I rotated out of her field of vision she completely forgot me. But I can live with that. I got my moment.

Oh, and Atoosa Rubenstein ate my roll at dinner. She told me her roll had olives in it and that she’s never had an olive (or a pickle) and since she saw I was done eating she was wondering if she could have my wheat roll instead. I told her I’ve never had a cup of coffee and we bonded.

This is what’s know as burying the lede: The party was an awards ceremony for Iman and Jane Fonda, who have both done a great deal of activist work. I was fired up by both of their speeches and am now ready to right injustice wherever I find it. Also, we were entertained by The Capitol Steps and that was lots of fun.

It was a glamorous night, but my coach has turned back into a pumpkin and I’m pretty comfortable with that. It’s hard to sustain the fancy pants.