jaysaint Getting it all down on paper…

I have one of those cases of fatigue that I cannot explain. I think it may be because I just ate so much cake. Is it possible this is a massive sugar crash? I think maybe so. Which is all to the good, really, because I have a huge day at work tomorrow and I’m fairly sure I’ll be asleep by 10:30 tonight.

Maybe I can get one more TiVo show in before I drift away.

Three weekends ago I was in San Jose.
Two weekends ago I was in Louisville.
One weekend ago I was in New Orleans.

Today I am in my pajamas on my couch, and here I shall stay.

All three of those trips were great, and well worth the time and money invested. And yet I feared that my neighbors were going to call the cops when they saw me going in my front door, as they’d think a stranger was breaking into Damon’s apartment.

It’s not even noon and I’ve gotten a nice batch of practical stuff done. Blah blah blah home study, blah blah blah computer cleanup, blah blah blah emails answered. Now it’s time to be decadent.

At our work cafe, they sell chocolate cupcakes filled with Nutella or Fluff. I am sad to report I have no such thing here. So I will likely settle for as much spaghetti as I can stuff into my face. I’ll do that while watching movies. Everything Is Illuminated is on deck. And then I’m going to paint my toenails purple. Perhaps afterward I will give myself a facial. By that time Damon will be headed home from work and maybe I can beg him into bringing me a cupcake.

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On the nightstand: The Phrase That Launched 1,000 Ships by Nigel Rees

I have been thinking a lot today about a pregnant woman I don’t know. I’ll actually never know her, and never know anything about her. The thing that makes her different from a million other pregnant women I’ll never know is that this one is carrying my daughter around.

Damon and I submitted our application yesterday to adopt a baby from China.

Some of you have been patient and supportive as we worked through this decision under the cover of a filter here on LJ. So I thank you publicly, as I have done so in my head many times.

Most of our good friends have been told, so now this conversation can be public.

If anyone has a question, I’m happy to answer. And if anyone thinks they might find this subject tiresome, I give you my sympathy. I expect I’ll have a lot to say about it going forward.

I’m delighted to say that Damon and I have just about finished our application to Chinese Children Adoption International (CCAI going forward).

I did visit my doctor last week, and she outlined the tests she’d like to do. And then at my request she outlined the possible treatments, depending on what the tests showed. And I sat in her chair feeling smaller and smaller and smaller. When I got back to the office I called Damon and related her recommendations. He was quiet for a moment and then said, “Why don’t we adopt?” The wave of relief I felt was all the self examination I needed.

We did plenty of research. It seems there are lots and lots of adoption agencies. Who knew? I won’t bore you with all our deciding factors, but CCAI was a good fit for us and I had a lovely conversation with them today that once again confirmed that we made the right choice.

This will be a long process, probably about a year and a half. But the train is leaving the station, and that’s good enough for me.

I’m sure there will be a lot more for me to say. For example, I have a list of medical conditions and we’re supposed to check off anything we’d be willing to accept. I have HUGE mental hurdles to jump over to complete this document. I mean, how can I look at this information and say, “This baby’s problems disqualify her from being our daughter.” I wouldn’t get to make that kind of decision if I were pregnant. We have all the advantages. They have no advantages. And we’re supposed to decide which of their problems we’re willing to deal with. I’m not intending to be a hero, just a parent, but this still doesn’t sit well.

At some point soon I’ll take this out from behind the filter. I just want to tell a few more friends this week before I go more public. I supposed I still lock the entries as Friends only though, as I don’t intend to tell work any time soon.

We got home yesterday from three days in New Orleans, where we celebrated the wedding of our dear friend Jason. If you knew him, you’d know how funny that last sentence seems.

Jason could be described as brusque. Also impulsive, loud, opinionated and quick tempered. Hard to believe how much I love him. The intensity of his loyalty is unmatched, he’s very funny and he knows his own weaknesses. And he found the woman who thinks that’s the right package for her.

Here is a transcript of the morning after their wedding, according to the groom:

Jason: I think we’ve made a huge mistake.
Jacki: You asshole.

The wedding was a dream, and the reception both glamorous and hilarious. My favorite people were the couple who danced like they were trying to keep their footing in rough seas. And my favorite moment was the Second Line. At the end of the night the bride came out carrying a huge white parasol, liberally festooned and fringed. The groom was wearing beads. They led a parade around the ballroom and everyone followed, waving handkerchiefs in the air. I didn’t really know what it all meant, but was swept away by the sentiment just the same.

Jason is a native to New Orleans, and his accent pegs him immediately. When Jacki finishes graduate school they have tentative plans to return. His mom just returned this month after a year in exile, as her house was under water. Probably the most wholely emotional moment of the weekend for me was when they did the groom/mom dance, which was to “Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans?”

I, myself, do love and miss New Orleans. I’ve been many times. I don’t claim to have any kind of insider knowledge of the city, but I can claim much affection. I generally bypass the wild drinking portion of the traditional trip and go right to walking tours of the Garden District and all the crawfish and oysters I can fit in my mouth. It’s a great walking city, which is my favorite way to see a place. I can wander contentedly for many days, and New Orleans has always offered me something great to point my face at, even if I did have to hold my nose too sometimes.

I didn’t get too far out of the French Quarter this time, as we were staying at the wedding site — The Monteleone on Royal. With all the activities (fittings, rehearsal, brunch) we were never far from an obligation. But the Quarter was definitely as empty as I’ve ever seen it. It wasn’t deserted, or even close to it. But I’m used to having to negotiate for sidewalk space and that definitely wasn’t the case. Some of that probably could be accounted for by the month. I wouldn’t guess many people plan to hit coastal Louisiana in the dead of summer. I shopped a little more aggressively than I am accustomed, in hopes of providing my own token boost to the shop keepers and restauranteurs.

To close on a shallow note: I found a boutique there and bought the most beautiful dress, which I wore to the wedding the next night. Damon was in his tux, and he looked very handsome. And to top it all off we killed on the dance floor. I will post a picture if/when our friends Marcus and Mary remember to email me the contents of their camera.