So Far

The length of time between logging in adoption documents and actually being matched with a child is stretching out every month. It looks like it will be about 17 months by the time we get our dossier finished. That’s not unbearable, but it’s not what we had hoped. But there’s nothing we can do to make documents get issued by government agencies any faster, so I’m trying to maintain the Zen.

In other news: For myriad reasons it looks like a) it will just be me and Damon for Thanksgiving and b) our big vacation isn’t going to happen. Both of these things have me blue.

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44 responses to this post.

  1. Why will it be just you and Damon for Thanksgiving?

    Reply

  2. Why will it be just you and Damon for Thanksgiving?

    Reply

    • Let me try to make a convoluted story work:
      Damon’s family was supposed to come to NY for Thanksgiving, but kept stalling on actually buying tickets.
      We’re supposed to go on vacation with my dad at some point before November.
      Damon took a showcase that means the only two weeks we’re free are Thanksgiving week and the week after.
      I then reminded him that if we went on vacation the week after Thanksgiving, we’d likely wind up leaving when his family was still here (anticipating that once they were here they’d stay until the last possible second.)
      Damon runs out of patience with their refusal to commit and tells his family not to worry about it and we’ll just have a visit later in the year.
      Dad then tells me the week after Thanksgiving is bad for him because my aunt can’t go with us then.
      I tell Dad that now Thanksgiving week is also available.
      That’s not reallly going to work either because I’m sure my aunt won’t be available then either.
      So while it’s all still up in the air, the way it’s most likely to go is that no one will come for Thanksgiving and the vacation will fall through.

      Reply

    • Let me try to make a convoluted story work:
      Damon’s family was supposed to come to NY for Thanksgiving, but kept stalling on actually buying tickets.
      We’re supposed to go on vacation with my dad at some point before November.
      Damon took a showcase that means the only two weeks we’re free are Thanksgiving week and the week after.
      I then reminded him that if we went on vacation the week after Thanksgiving, we’d likely wind up leaving when his family was still here (anticipating that once they were here they’d stay until the last possible second.)
      Damon runs out of patience with their refusal to commit and tells his family not to worry about it and we’ll just have a visit later in the year.
      Dad then tells me the week after Thanksgiving is bad for him because my aunt can’t go with us then.
      I tell Dad that now Thanksgiving week is also available.
      That’s not reallly going to work either because I’m sure my aunt won’t be available then either.
      So while it’s all still up in the air, the way it’s most likely to go is that no one will come for Thanksgiving and the vacation will fall through.

      Reply

    • Let me try to make a convoluted story work:
      Damon’s family was supposed to come to NY for Thanksgiving, but kept stalling on actually buying tickets.
      We’re supposed to go on vacation with my dad at some point before November.
      Damon took a showcase that means the only two weeks we’re free are Thanksgiving week and the week after.
      I then reminded him that if we went on vacation the week after Thanksgiving, we’d likely wind up leaving when his family was still here (anticipating that once they were here they’d stay until the last possible second.)
      Damon runs out of patience with their refusal to commit and tells his family not to worry about it and we’ll just have a visit later in the year.
      Dad then tells me the week after Thanksgiving is bad for him because my aunt can’t go with us then.
      I tell Dad that now Thanksgiving week is also available.
      That’s not reallly going to work either because I’m sure my aunt won’t be available then either.
      So while it’s all still up in the air, the way it’s most likely to go is that no one will come for Thanksgiving and the vacation will fall through.

      Reply

  3. Why will it be just you and Damon for Thanksgiving?

    Reply

  4. Why will it be just you and Damon for Thanksgiving?

    Reply

  5. Come to Atlanta for Thanksgiving!

    Reply

  6. Come to Atlanta for Thanksgiving!

    Reply

  7. Come to Atlanta for Thanksgiving!

    Reply

  8. Come to Atlanta for Thanksgiving!

    Reply

  9. I’m sorry to hear that it’s going to take so long! That must be so incredibly frustrating. I’m hoping for a run of government document luck for you.
    Are you looking for an infant or a slightly older child, if you don’t mind me asking? If you are getting an infant, will you be looking at donor breastmilk or inducing lactation?

    Reply

  10. I’m sorry to hear that it’s going to take so long! That must be so incredibly frustrating. I’m hoping for a run of government document luck for you.
    Are you looking for an infant or a slightly older child, if you don’t mind me asking? If you are getting an infant, will you be looking at donor breastmilk or inducing lactation?

    Reply

    • Thanks for the good vibes!
      Funny you should ask, because I was going to ask you for some questions inspired by your donor post.
      The baby we get will likely be about a year old. She will never have had breast milk. If she was in an orphanage it’s likely that she’s never had anything but Chinese formula (which doesn’t meet American nutritional standards). If she was in foster care there’s a chance she’ll be totally off the bottle.
      So my two questions are: 1) Can she still get the benefit of breast milk this late in the game? and 2) I take it from your last post that breast milk donation is expensive/hard to come by. Is it realistic to think I could count on going that way? 3) (bonus question) If I could get some supplemental breast milk but not enough to ditch formula then (also considering her age) would it still be worth it?
      I know that even if she’s off the bottle I want to put her back on it if she’s willing. I think the nurturance of being fed that way will be important in helping her attach and grow.
      So many questions…

      Reply

      • 1)It’s never too late in the game to get benefits from breastmilk. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, so she would still have a year of breastmilk need just to meet that minimum. The natural human weaning age is between 2.5-7 years, depending on the child’s own needs, so we are designed to get breastmilk for long periods of time, at least in small amounts. Breastmilk is currently used for elderly people who are too ill to eat anything else and for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy (because it helps their immune system and is easy to digest). So, even if she’s too old for a bottle or doesn’t have a sucking reflex any more, she can have expressed breastmilk in a cup or sippy cup for as long as you are able to give it to her! If she can still latch and suckle to any degree, and you are interested in inducing lactation, you can even feed her through a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS).
        Especially in the case of a child who has had sub-par nutrition for a long period of time, breastmilk will be an excellent way to help her catch up developmentally. The immune system continues to develop well into the second year of life, and the antibodies in breastmilk will help contribute to that development.
        2) Donor breastmilk can be found in three ways: purchased from a milk bank, puchased from a private donor, or donated from a private donor (free, but you pay for shipping/storage). Milk bank or private donor purchased milk is very expensive, roughly $3.50 an ounce. Milk donated through MilkShare or one-on-one donation is probably the cheapest route, but probably a little harder to get. Ideally, you’ll want a donor with a child roughly your child’s age, so the nutritional makeup is as close to what your child’s body requires — but any breastmilk is better than NO breastmilk!
        3) Any breastmilk is better than none. One breastmilk bottle a day is still worth it. Of course, the more you can give her, the better, but any is worthwhile. There are many, many mothers who do combo-feeding for various reasons, and it’s definitely preferable to 100% formula feeding.
        I’m not sure how well I’ll still be responding to the pump in a year to 18 months, but since I plan to nurse Donovan for at least two years, I will most likely still be prodcing milk. If I can still pump, I’m happy to send you breastmilk once your child gets here!

      • What an incredibly generous offer. I’m so grateful. Usually this is where I’d by coy and say, “Oh no, I could never ask that.” But if it’s possible I would totally take you up on it, as I know how valuable that would be for our daughter.
        I’m sure as we get closer I’ll have a lot more questions. I’m glad it’s something you like to talk about 🙂

      • Oh yes, I’m a bit of a zealot!

      • Oh yes, I’m a bit of a zealot!

      • Oh yes, I’m a bit of a zealot!

      • What an incredibly generous offer. I’m so grateful. Usually this is where I’d by coy and say, “Oh no, I could never ask that.” But if it’s possible I would totally take you up on it, as I know how valuable that would be for our daughter.
        I’m sure as we get closer I’ll have a lot more questions. I’m glad it’s something you like to talk about 🙂

      • What an incredibly generous offer. I’m so grateful. Usually this is where I’d by coy and say, “Oh no, I could never ask that.” But if it’s possible I would totally take you up on it, as I know how valuable that would be for our daughter.
        I’m sure as we get closer I’ll have a lot more questions. I’m glad it’s something you like to talk about 🙂

      • 1)It’s never too late in the game to get benefits from breastmilk. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, so she would still have a year of breastmilk need just to meet that minimum. The natural human weaning age is between 2.5-7 years, depending on the child’s own needs, so we are designed to get breastmilk for long periods of time, at least in small amounts. Breastmilk is currently used for elderly people who are too ill to eat anything else and for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy (because it helps their immune system and is easy to digest). So, even if she’s too old for a bottle or doesn’t have a sucking reflex any more, she can have expressed breastmilk in a cup or sippy cup for as long as you are able to give it to her! If she can still latch and suckle to any degree, and you are interested in inducing lactation, you can even feed her through a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS).
        Especially in the case of a child who has had sub-par nutrition for a long period of time, breastmilk will be an excellent way to help her catch up developmentally. The immune system continues to develop well into the second year of life, and the antibodies in breastmilk will help contribute to that development.
        2) Donor breastmilk can be found in three ways: purchased from a milk bank, puchased from a private donor, or donated from a private donor (free, but you pay for shipping/storage). Milk bank or private donor purchased milk is very expensive, roughly $3.50 an ounce. Milk donated through MilkShare or one-on-one donation is probably the cheapest route, but probably a little harder to get. Ideally, you’ll want a donor with a child roughly your child’s age, so the nutritional makeup is as close to what your child’s body requires — but any breastmilk is better than NO breastmilk!
        3) Any breastmilk is better than none. One breastmilk bottle a day is still worth it. Of course, the more you can give her, the better, but any is worthwhile. There are many, many mothers who do combo-feeding for various reasons, and it’s definitely preferable to 100% formula feeding.
        I’m not sure how well I’ll still be responding to the pump in a year to 18 months, but since I plan to nurse Donovan for at least two years, I will most likely still be prodcing milk. If I can still pump, I’m happy to send you breastmilk once your child gets here!

      • 1)It’s never too late in the game to get benefits from breastmilk. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, so she would still have a year of breastmilk need just to meet that minimum. The natural human weaning age is between 2.5-7 years, depending on the child’s own needs, so we are designed to get breastmilk for long periods of time, at least in small amounts. Breastmilk is currently used for elderly people who are too ill to eat anything else and for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy (because it helps their immune system and is easy to digest). So, even if she’s too old for a bottle or doesn’t have a sucking reflex any more, she can have expressed breastmilk in a cup or sippy cup for as long as you are able to give it to her! If she can still latch and suckle to any degree, and you are interested in inducing lactation, you can even feed her through a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS).
        Especially in the case of a child who has had sub-par nutrition for a long period of time, breastmilk will be an excellent way to help her catch up developmentally. The immune system continues to develop well into the second year of life, and the antibodies in breastmilk will help contribute to that development.
        2) Donor breastmilk can be found in three ways: purchased from a milk bank, puchased from a private donor, or donated from a private donor (free, but you pay for shipping/storage). Milk bank or private donor purchased milk is very expensive, roughly $3.50 an ounce. Milk donated through MilkShare or one-on-one donation is probably the cheapest route, but probably a little harder to get. Ideally, you’ll want a donor with a child roughly your child’s age, so the nutritional makeup is as close to what your child’s body requires — but any breastmilk is better than NO breastmilk!
        3) Any breastmilk is better than none. One breastmilk bottle a day is still worth it. Of course, the more you can give her, the better, but any is worthwhile. There are many, many mothers who do combo-feeding for various reasons, and it’s definitely preferable to 100% formula feeding.
        I’m not sure how well I’ll still be responding to the pump in a year to 18 months, but since I plan to nurse Donovan for at least two years, I will most likely still be prodcing milk. If I can still pump, I’m happy to send you breastmilk once your child gets here!

    • Thanks for the good vibes!
      Funny you should ask, because I was going to ask you for some questions inspired by your donor post.
      The baby we get will likely be about a year old. She will never have had breast milk. If she was in an orphanage it’s likely that she’s never had anything but Chinese formula (which doesn’t meet American nutritional standards). If she was in foster care there’s a chance she’ll be totally off the bottle.
      So my two questions are: 1) Can she still get the benefit of breast milk this late in the game? and 2) I take it from your last post that breast milk donation is expensive/hard to come by. Is it realistic to think I could count on going that way? 3) (bonus question) If I could get some supplemental breast milk but not enough to ditch formula then (also considering her age) would it still be worth it?
      I know that even if she’s off the bottle I want to put her back on it if she’s willing. I think the nurturance of being fed that way will be important in helping her attach and grow.
      So many questions…

      Reply

    • Thanks for the good vibes!
      Funny you should ask, because I was going to ask you for some questions inspired by your donor post.
      The baby we get will likely be about a year old. She will never have had breast milk. If she was in an orphanage it’s likely that she’s never had anything but Chinese formula (which doesn’t meet American nutritional standards). If she was in foster care there’s a chance she’ll be totally off the bottle.
      So my two questions are: 1) Can she still get the benefit of breast milk this late in the game? and 2) I take it from your last post that breast milk donation is expensive/hard to come by. Is it realistic to think I could count on going that way? 3) (bonus question) If I could get some supplemental breast milk but not enough to ditch formula then (also considering her age) would it still be worth it?
      I know that even if she’s off the bottle I want to put her back on it if she’s willing. I think the nurturance of being fed that way will be important in helping her attach and grow.
      So many questions…

      Reply

  11. I’m sorry to hear that it’s going to take so long! That must be so incredibly frustrating. I’m hoping for a run of government document luck for you.
    Are you looking for an infant or a slightly older child, if you don’t mind me asking? If you are getting an infant, will you be looking at donor breastmilk or inducing lactation?

    Reply

  12. I’m sorry to hear that it’s going to take so long! That must be so incredibly frustrating. I’m hoping for a run of government document luck for you.
    Are you looking for an infant or a slightly older child, if you don’t mind me asking? If you are getting an infant, will you be looking at donor breastmilk or inducing lactation?

    Reply

  13. Let me try to make a convoluted story work:
    Damon’s family was supposed to come to NY for Thanksgiving, but kept stalling on actually buying tickets.
    We’re supposed to go on vacation with my dad at some point before November.
    Damon took a showcase that means the only two weeks we’re free are Thanksgiving week and the week after.
    I then reminded him that if we went on vacation the week after Thanksgiving, we’d likely wind up leaving when his family was still here (anticipating that once they were here they’d stay until the last possible second.)
    Damon runs out of patience with their refusal to commit and tells his family not to worry about it and we’ll just have a visit later in the year.
    Dad then tells me the week after Thanksgiving is bad for him because my aunt can’t go with us then.
    I tell Dad that now Thanksgiving week is also available.
    That’s not reallly going to work either because I’m sure my aunt won’t be available then either.
    So while it’s all still up in the air, the way it’s most likely to go is that no one will come for Thanksgiving and the vacation will fall through.

    Reply

  14. I wish! Sad to say that holiday season plane tickets just aren’t in the budget.

    Reply

  15. Thanks for the good vibes!
    Funny you should ask, because I was going to ask you for some questions inspired by your donor post.
    The baby we get will likely be about a year old. She will never have had breast milk. If she was in an orphanage it’s likely that she’s never had anything but Chinese formula (which doesn’t meet American nutritional standards). If she was in foster care there’s a chance she’ll be totally off the bottle.
    So my two questions are: 1) Can she still get the benefit of breast milk this late in the game? and 2) I take it from your last post that breast milk donation is expensive/hard to come by. Is it realistic to think I could count on going that way? 3) (bonus question) If I could get some supplemental breast milk but not enough to ditch formula then (also considering her age) would it still be worth it?
    I know that even if she’s off the bottle I want to put her back on it if she’s willing. I think the nurturance of being fed that way will be important in helping her attach and grow.
    So many questions…

    Reply

  16. 1)It’s never too late in the game to get benefits from breastmilk. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, so she would still have a year of breastmilk need just to meet that minimum. The natural human weaning age is between 2.5-7 years, depending on the child’s own needs, so we are designed to get breastmilk for long periods of time, at least in small amounts. Breastmilk is currently used for elderly people who are too ill to eat anything else and for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy (because it helps their immune system and is easy to digest). So, even if she’s too old for a bottle or doesn’t have a sucking reflex any more, she can have expressed breastmilk in a cup or sippy cup for as long as you are able to give it to her! If she can still latch and suckle to any degree, and you are interested in inducing lactation, you can even feed her through a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS).
    Especially in the case of a child who has had sub-par nutrition for a long period of time, breastmilk will be an excellent way to help her catch up developmentally. The immune system continues to develop well into the second year of life, and the antibodies in breastmilk will help contribute to that development.
    2) Donor breastmilk can be found in three ways: purchased from a milk bank, puchased from a private donor, or donated from a private donor (free, but you pay for shipping/storage). Milk bank or private donor purchased milk is very expensive, roughly $3.50 an ounce. Milk donated through MilkShare or one-on-one donation is probably the cheapest route, but probably a little harder to get. Ideally, you’ll want a donor with a child roughly your child’s age, so the nutritional makeup is as close to what your child’s body requires — but any breastmilk is better than NO breastmilk!
    3) Any breastmilk is better than none. One breastmilk bottle a day is still worth it. Of course, the more you can give her, the better, but any is worthwhile. There are many, many mothers who do combo-feeding for various reasons, and it’s definitely preferable to 100% formula feeding.
    I’m not sure how well I’ll still be responding to the pump in a year to 18 months, but since I plan to nurse Donovan for at least two years, I will most likely still be prodcing milk. If I can still pump, I’m happy to send you breastmilk once your child gets here!

    Reply

  17. Great minds think alike! I was just about to invite them to your house for Thanksgiving.

    Reply

  18. What an incredibly generous offer. I’m so grateful. Usually this is where I’d by coy and say, “Oh no, I could never ask that.” But if it’s possible I would totally take you up on it, as I know how valuable that would be for our daughter.
    I’m sure as we get closer I’ll have a lot more questions. I’m glad it’s something you like to talk about 🙂

    Reply

  19. Are you going to their house for Thanksgiving? That sounds so super happy fun. Especially now that Eirinn is on the scene!

    Reply

  20. Oh yes, I’m a bit of a zealot!

    Reply

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