I’ve been meaning to get around to this…
Preface: I have no objection to anything China, the adoption agency, the social worker, the immigration officials or anyone else wants us to do to make this adoption happen. It’s too bad every kid doesn’t get the benefit of parents who have been so deeply and closely examined for fitness.
Complaint: Our home study angency required us to undergo adoptive parenting training. There were lots of things that qualified, but it wasn’t clear how and in what amounts (How MANY of thsese books do I need to read? etc). This is a new requirement and they haven’t quite gotten the bugs out. So we settled for an online course because it was the only thing that clearly met the entire requirement in one swoop. It was 18 chapters and called With Eyes Wide Open.
As you can gather by the name, it’s aim seemed to be to be sure we’d considered all possible down sides and disasters in international adoption. Which is reasonable. But nothing we’ve done so far has left me with such a sour taste. I understand that things can go wrong with adoption. It’s true of all parenting as a matter of fact. We had to do a lot of homework, and answer question after question along the lines of:
— If your child expresses attachment disorder by torturing pets, what will you do?
— If your child expresses hostility by setting fires, what will you do?
— If your daughter deals with her grief over her lost mother by getting pregnant very young, what will you do?
And I’m thinking, “Panic? Cry?” I don’t think that’s what they’re looking for. But then I got hostile, because any kid might do any of those things. And fuck off if you think my adopted kid is destined to a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer.
Aside from my anger over my fearmongering online class, things are progressing. Damon and I trudged down to One Police Plaza today to get fingerprinted for our letter of good conduct. They do it with a computer now. Shiny.
jaysaint 
Posted by bunnyfeet on November 10, 2006 at 1:30 am
Man, I can’t come up with answers to those questions, and i’ve been a parent for 3 years! It’s been my general experience that you learn what you need to know about parenting as you need to learn it. When we were expecting Ivy, I went to a “boot camp for new dads”, and the main lesson I took from it was to relax, that you won’t have to change diapers and help your kid adjust to preschool and teach her to drive and teach her the birds and the bees all at once.
It sorta seems like they’re holding adoptive parents like yourselves to a higher standard than American soccity does. Then again, that’s probably a good thing, so I commend you guys for it.
Posted by bunnyfeet on November 10, 2006 at 1:30 am
Man, I can’t come up with answers to those questions, and i’ve been a parent for 3 years! It’s been my general experience that you learn what you need to know about parenting as you need to learn it. When we were expecting Ivy, I went to a “boot camp for new dads”, and the main lesson I took from it was to relax, that you won’t have to change diapers and help your kid adjust to preschool and teach her to drive and teach her the birds and the bees all at once.
It sorta seems like they’re holding adoptive parents like yourselves to a higher standard than American soccity does. Then again, that’s probably a good thing, so I commend you guys for it.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:05 pm
That’s such a good point. Thank you for reminding me. So even if she does all those things, she’ll do them at different times. I mean, she’s definitely going to set the house on fire before she gets knocked up.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:05 pm
That’s such a good point. Thank you for reminding me. So even if she does all those things, she’ll do them at different times. I mean, she’s definitely going to set the house on fire before she gets knocked up.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:05 pm
That’s such a good point. Thank you for reminding me. So even if she does all those things, she’ll do them at different times. I mean, she’s definitely going to set the house on fire before she gets knocked up.
Posted by bunnyfeet on November 10, 2006 at 1:30 am
Man, I can’t come up with answers to those questions, and i’ve been a parent for 3 years! It’s been my general experience that you learn what you need to know about parenting as you need to learn it. When we were expecting Ivy, I went to a “boot camp for new dads”, and the main lesson I took from it was to relax, that you won’t have to change diapers and help your kid adjust to preschool and teach her to drive and teach her the birds and the bees all at once.
It sorta seems like they’re holding adoptive parents like yourselves to a higher standard than American soccity does. Then again, that’s probably a good thing, so I commend you guys for it.
Posted by bunnyfeet on November 10, 2006 at 1:30 am
Man, I can’t come up with answers to those questions, and i’ve been a parent for 3 years! It’s been my general experience that you learn what you need to know about parenting as you need to learn it. When we were expecting Ivy, I went to a “boot camp for new dads”, and the main lesson I took from it was to relax, that you won’t have to change diapers and help your kid adjust to preschool and teach her to drive and teach her the birds and the bees all at once.
It sorta seems like they’re holding adoptive parents like yourselves to a higher standard than American soccity does. Then again, that’s probably a good thing, so I commend you guys for it.
Posted by lemon_says on November 10, 2006 at 1:44 am
Good Lord. What would anyone do if a kid turned out to be a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer? How can you possibly be expected to prepare for something like that with either a biological or adopted child?
Posted by lemon_says on November 10, 2006 at 1:44 am
Good Lord. What would anyone do if a kid turned out to be a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer? How can you possibly be expected to prepare for something like that with either a biological or adopted child?
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Amen!
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Amen!
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Amen!
Posted by lemon_says on November 10, 2006 at 1:44 am
Good Lord. What would anyone do if a kid turned out to be a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer? How can you possibly be expected to prepare for something like that with either a biological or adopted child?
Posted by lemon_says on November 10, 2006 at 1:44 am
Good Lord. What would anyone do if a kid turned out to be a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer? How can you possibly be expected to prepare for something like that with either a biological or adopted child?
Posted by travellight on November 10, 2006 at 2:10 am
Maybe this is one of those things like buying a house, except when you blink you don’t say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get an apartment,” you say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get a pet.”
Hang in there. You’re about to be coasting, and some marvelously lucky little girl is going to come home with you forever.
Posted by travellight on November 10, 2006 at 2:10 am
Maybe this is one of those things like buying a house, except when you blink you don’t say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get an apartment,” you say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get a pet.”
Hang in there. You’re about to be coasting, and some marvelously lucky little girl is going to come home with you forever.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Exactly. Or better yet, “Fuck it. I’m going to take all this cash and buy myself a mountain of presents.”
But hang in we will. Thanks for the good words!
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Exactly. Or better yet, “Fuck it. I’m going to take all this cash and buy myself a mountain of presents.”
But hang in we will. Thanks for the good words!
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Exactly. Or better yet, “Fuck it. I’m going to take all this cash and buy myself a mountain of presents.”
But hang in we will. Thanks for the good words!
Posted by travellight on November 10, 2006 at 2:10 am
Maybe this is one of those things like buying a house, except when you blink you don’t say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get an apartment,” you say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get a pet.”
Hang in there. You’re about to be coasting, and some marvelously lucky little girl is going to come home with you forever.
Posted by travellight on November 10, 2006 at 2:10 am
Maybe this is one of those things like buying a house, except when you blink you don’t say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get an apartment,” you say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get a pet.”
Hang in there. You’re about to be coasting, and some marvelously lucky little girl is going to come home with you forever.
Posted by satogaeru on November 10, 2006 at 1:02 pm
My answer to all of those questions is the same as it was to, “what do you do if your toddler starts pooping on the floor?”: Google it. Oh yeah, and listen to your kid.
They probably wouldn’t adopt to me though 🙂
Posted by satogaeru on November 10, 2006 at 1:02 pm
My answer to all of those questions is the same as it was to, “what do you do if your toddler starts pooping on the floor?”: Google it. Oh yeah, and listen to your kid.
They probably wouldn’t adopt to me though 🙂
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Google. Brilliant. I can’t believe I didn’t think of Google.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Google. Brilliant. I can’t believe I didn’t think of Google.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Google. Brilliant. I can’t believe I didn’t think of Google.
Posted by satogaeru on November 10, 2006 at 1:02 pm
My answer to all of those questions is the same as it was to, “what do you do if your toddler starts pooping on the floor?”: Google it. Oh yeah, and listen to your kid.
They probably wouldn’t adopt to me though 🙂
Posted by satogaeru on November 10, 2006 at 1:02 pm
My answer to all of those questions is the same as it was to, “what do you do if your toddler starts pooping on the floor?”: Google it. Oh yeah, and listen to your kid.
They probably wouldn’t adopt to me though 🙂
Posted by steakums on November 10, 2006 at 2:16 pm
They obviously expect an adoptive parent to be programmed with some sort of chip biological parents aren’t privy to, because damn if I know the answers to those questions.
Hang in there, sweetie.
Posted by steakums on November 10, 2006 at 2:16 pm
They obviously expect an adoptive parent to be programmed with some sort of chip biological parents aren’t privy to, because damn if I know the answers to those questions.
Hang in there, sweetie.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:12 pm
Thanks ma’am. I’m channeling your common sense vibe.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:12 pm
Thanks ma’am. I’m channeling your common sense vibe.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:12 pm
Thanks ma’am. I’m channeling your common sense vibe.
Posted by steakums on November 10, 2006 at 2:16 pm
They obviously expect an adoptive parent to be programmed with some sort of chip biological parents aren’t privy to, because damn if I know the answers to those questions.
Hang in there, sweetie.
Posted by steakums on November 10, 2006 at 2:16 pm
They obviously expect an adoptive parent to be programmed with some sort of chip biological parents aren’t privy to, because damn if I know the answers to those questions.
Hang in there, sweetie.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:05 pm
That’s such a good point. Thank you for reminding me. So even if she does all those things, she’ll do them at different times. I mean, she’s definitely going to set the house on fire before she gets knocked up.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Amen!
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Exactly. Or better yet, “Fuck it. I’m going to take all this cash and buy myself a mountain of presents.”
But hang in we will. Thanks for the good words!
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Google. Brilliant. I can’t believe I didn’t think of Google.
Posted by jaysaint on November 11, 2006 at 4:12 pm
Thanks ma’am. I’m channeling your common sense vibe.