Adoption Classes

I’ve been meaning to get around to this…

Preface: I have no objection to anything China, the adoption agency, the social worker, the immigration officials or anyone else wants us to do to make this adoption happen. It’s too bad every kid doesn’t get the benefit of parents who have been so deeply and closely examined for fitness.

Complaint: Our home study angency required us to undergo adoptive parenting training. There were lots of things that qualified, but it wasn’t clear how and in what amounts (How MANY of thsese books do I need to read? etc). This is a new requirement and they haven’t quite gotten the bugs out. So we settled for an online course because it was the only thing that clearly met the entire requirement in one swoop. It was 18 chapters and called With Eyes Wide Open.

As you can gather by the name, it’s aim seemed to be to be sure we’d considered all possible down sides and disasters in international adoption. Which is reasonable. But nothing we’ve done so far has left me with such a sour taste. I understand that things can go wrong with adoption. It’s true of all parenting as a matter of fact. We had to do a lot of homework, and answer question after question along the lines of:
— If your child expresses attachment disorder by torturing pets, what will you do?
— If your child expresses hostility by setting fires, what will you do?
— If your daughter deals with her grief over her lost mother by getting pregnant very young, what will you do?

And I’m thinking, “Panic? Cry?” I don’t think that’s what they’re looking for. But then I got hostile, because any kid might do any of those things. And fuck off if you think my adopted kid is destined to a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer.

Aside from my anger over my fearmongering online class, things are progressing. Damon and I trudged down to One Police Plaza today to get fingerprinted for our letter of good conduct. They do it with a computer now. Shiny.

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40 responses to this post.

  1. Man, I can’t come up with answers to those questions, and i’ve been a parent for 3 years! It’s been my general experience that you learn what you need to know about parenting as you need to learn it. When we were expecting Ivy, I went to a “boot camp for new dads”, and the main lesson I took from it was to relax, that you won’t have to change diapers and help your kid adjust to preschool and teach her to drive and teach her the birds and the bees all at once.
    It sorta seems like they’re holding adoptive parents like yourselves to a higher standard than American soccity does. Then again, that’s probably a good thing, so I commend you guys for it.

    Reply

  2. Man, I can’t come up with answers to those questions, and i’ve been a parent for 3 years! It’s been my general experience that you learn what you need to know about parenting as you need to learn it. When we were expecting Ivy, I went to a “boot camp for new dads”, and the main lesson I took from it was to relax, that you won’t have to change diapers and help your kid adjust to preschool and teach her to drive and teach her the birds and the bees all at once.
    It sorta seems like they’re holding adoptive parents like yourselves to a higher standard than American soccity does. Then again, that’s probably a good thing, so I commend you guys for it.

    Reply

    • That’s such a good point. Thank you for reminding me. So even if she does all those things, she’ll do them at different times. I mean, she’s definitely going to set the house on fire before she gets knocked up.

      Reply

    • That’s such a good point. Thank you for reminding me. So even if she does all those things, she’ll do them at different times. I mean, she’s definitely going to set the house on fire before she gets knocked up.

      Reply

    • That’s such a good point. Thank you for reminding me. So even if she does all those things, she’ll do them at different times. I mean, she’s definitely going to set the house on fire before she gets knocked up.

      Reply

  3. Man, I can’t come up with answers to those questions, and i’ve been a parent for 3 years! It’s been my general experience that you learn what you need to know about parenting as you need to learn it. When we were expecting Ivy, I went to a “boot camp for new dads”, and the main lesson I took from it was to relax, that you won’t have to change diapers and help your kid adjust to preschool and teach her to drive and teach her the birds and the bees all at once.
    It sorta seems like they’re holding adoptive parents like yourselves to a higher standard than American soccity does. Then again, that’s probably a good thing, so I commend you guys for it.

    Reply

  4. Man, I can’t come up with answers to those questions, and i’ve been a parent for 3 years! It’s been my general experience that you learn what you need to know about parenting as you need to learn it. When we were expecting Ivy, I went to a “boot camp for new dads”, and the main lesson I took from it was to relax, that you won’t have to change diapers and help your kid adjust to preschool and teach her to drive and teach her the birds and the bees all at once.
    It sorta seems like they’re holding adoptive parents like yourselves to a higher standard than American soccity does. Then again, that’s probably a good thing, so I commend you guys for it.

    Reply

  5. Good Lord. What would anyone do if a kid turned out to be a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer? How can you possibly be expected to prepare for something like that with either a biological or adopted child?

    Reply

  6. Good Lord. What would anyone do if a kid turned out to be a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer? How can you possibly be expected to prepare for something like that with either a biological or adopted child?

    Reply

  7. Good Lord. What would anyone do if a kid turned out to be a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer? How can you possibly be expected to prepare for something like that with either a biological or adopted child?

    Reply

  8. Good Lord. What would anyone do if a kid turned out to be a pregnant pyromaniac pet killer? How can you possibly be expected to prepare for something like that with either a biological or adopted child?

    Reply

  9. Maybe this is one of those things like buying a house, except when you blink you don’t say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get an apartment,” you say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get a pet.”
    Hang in there. You’re about to be coasting, and some marvelously lucky little girl is going to come home with you forever.

    Reply

  10. Maybe this is one of those things like buying a house, except when you blink you don’t say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get an apartment,” you say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get a pet.”
    Hang in there. You’re about to be coasting, and some marvelously lucky little girl is going to come home with you forever.

    Reply

    • Exactly. Or better yet, “Fuck it. I’m going to take all this cash and buy myself a mountain of presents.”
      But hang in we will. Thanks for the good words!

      Reply

    • Exactly. Or better yet, “Fuck it. I’m going to take all this cash and buy myself a mountain of presents.”
      But hang in we will. Thanks for the good words!

      Reply

    • Exactly. Or better yet, “Fuck it. I’m going to take all this cash and buy myself a mountain of presents.”
      But hang in we will. Thanks for the good words!

      Reply

  11. Maybe this is one of those things like buying a house, except when you blink you don’t say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get an apartment,” you say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get a pet.”
    Hang in there. You’re about to be coasting, and some marvelously lucky little girl is going to come home with you forever.

    Reply

  12. Maybe this is one of those things like buying a house, except when you blink you don’t say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get an apartment,” you say, “Fuck it. I’ll just get a pet.”
    Hang in there. You’re about to be coasting, and some marvelously lucky little girl is going to come home with you forever.

    Reply

  13. My answer to all of those questions is the same as it was to, “what do you do if your toddler starts pooping on the floor?”: Google it. Oh yeah, and listen to your kid.
    They probably wouldn’t adopt to me though 🙂

    Reply

  14. My answer to all of those questions is the same as it was to, “what do you do if your toddler starts pooping on the floor?”: Google it. Oh yeah, and listen to your kid.
    They probably wouldn’t adopt to me though 🙂

    Reply

  15. My answer to all of those questions is the same as it was to, “what do you do if your toddler starts pooping on the floor?”: Google it. Oh yeah, and listen to your kid.
    They probably wouldn’t adopt to me though 🙂

    Reply

  16. My answer to all of those questions is the same as it was to, “what do you do if your toddler starts pooping on the floor?”: Google it. Oh yeah, and listen to your kid.
    They probably wouldn’t adopt to me though 🙂

    Reply

  17. They obviously expect an adoptive parent to be programmed with some sort of chip biological parents aren’t privy to, because damn if I know the answers to those questions.
    Hang in there, sweetie.

    Reply

  18. They obviously expect an adoptive parent to be programmed with some sort of chip biological parents aren’t privy to, because damn if I know the answers to those questions.
    Hang in there, sweetie.

    Reply

  19. They obviously expect an adoptive parent to be programmed with some sort of chip biological parents aren’t privy to, because damn if I know the answers to those questions.
    Hang in there, sweetie.

    Reply

  20. They obviously expect an adoptive parent to be programmed with some sort of chip biological parents aren’t privy to, because damn if I know the answers to those questions.
    Hang in there, sweetie.

    Reply

  21. That’s such a good point. Thank you for reminding me. So even if she does all those things, she’ll do them at different times. I mean, she’s definitely going to set the house on fire before she gets knocked up.

    Reply

  22. Exactly. Or better yet, “Fuck it. I’m going to take all this cash and buy myself a mountain of presents.”
    But hang in we will. Thanks for the good words!

    Reply

  23. Google. Brilliant. I can’t believe I didn’t think of Google.

    Reply

  24. Thanks ma’am. I’m channeling your common sense vibe.

    Reply

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