Can someone please explain to me why my kid cries so piteously when I use the nose sucker thingy on him. I know babies don’t like to be restrained. But he gets restrained for other things — diaper changes, nail clips, face washing — that don’t make him so upset. He hates it so much that he drums his heels in frustration and it’s just the saddest thing you’ve ever seen. It only takes about 20 seconds. I’m pretty confident it doesn’t hurt. What? What is the problem?

I love this Momversation video (even though I hate that name)

It particularly made me laugh in juxtaposition with the conversation (See, what’s wrong with that word?) Damon had today at Sprout Studio. Damon had Alden at the water table and they were busily decimating the plastic fish population. Alden is dutifully wearing the the baby raincoat thoughtfully provided. There’s another kid there, about four, unaccompanied. Damon can see three women sitting on the couch across the room, drinking coffee and chatting. Solo kid is half out of his raincoat and half soaked to the bone. At one point he comes up to Damon and asks him to take the coat off him. Damon gets him to confirm that he’s leaving the water table and then helps him out. As soon as the kid is free he runs over and plunges his arms up to the shoulder into the water. It’s right about now that one of the women wanders over and says, “I knew it!” Big sigh. Damon says, “Yeah, I know, it’s amazing how fast they can make a mess, isn’t it?” And mom says, “Well, I *thought* someone was watching him.” Glare.

I guess while most of us wish strangers (and others) would mind their own damn business, there are some among us who expect everyone to be raising their kids.

Advertisements

40 responses to this post.

  1. I have sucked snot out of a lot of kids’ noses, and if I do say so myself, I am somewhat of an expert at it. It’s all in the technique. But anyway, they all scream like you’re killing them. The trick is to get them on their backs quickly and get it over with with an element of surprise, and preferably right out of the tub while they’re still nekkid.
    When children are loose like that, I tend to think their parents believe that they’re all our children and I proceed accordingly.

    Reply

  2. I have sucked snot out of a lot of kids’ noses, and if I do say so myself, I am somewhat of an expert at it. It’s all in the technique. But anyway, they all scream like you’re killing them. The trick is to get them on their backs quickly and get it over with with an element of surprise, and preferably right out of the tub while they’re still nekkid.
    When children are loose like that, I tend to think their parents believe that they’re all our children and I proceed accordingly.

    Reply

    • The bath trick is a new one on me. I shall try it!

      Reply

      • Back when the George babies were little and I didn’t have a car, they’d actually come pick me up several times a day and night to come snot suck for them because I’m so good at it. Here, I’ll tell you how to do it with the least drama.
        Prepare the changing table or the countertop or wherever you’re going to be doing this before you get started. You’ll have better luck if you’re standing at he’s at waist level, and don’t put him on a cold surface.
        Put him in warm water for his bath and let him stay and play as long as you can stand it, with the door closed, because you want it steamy in there to loosen it all up.
        Take him out and wrap him in such a way that when you put him down on his back it won’t all be bunchy underneath him.
        Now. This part is important. Sing to him, and, assuming you’re right-handed, hold him upright in the crook of your left arm and walk him to The Place. Lay him down quickly, nestling his still-wet head firmly in the crook of your left arm and squeeze him up tight to your chest, with your left forearm reaching down his other side and your left hand on his left thigh. While maneuvering this, be grabbing the snotsucker with your right hand, because you want to quickly get your right upper arm over his thighs and your right forearm up his chest and the sucker into his nose, and be singing and cooing the whole time, which shouldn’t be more than about 30 seconds. Then swoop him up and rock him for a few seconds and proceed as normal.
        After the first few times, once you start doing it smoothly without stopping singing (and sing the same thing every time – I usually went with Christmas carols), he’ll stop wiggling and it’ll be a matter of course for him.

      • This is a small goldmine. Thank you. We’ll give this a try this coming weekend.
        I have to remember to be grateful that he’s only congested in the morning rather than it being an all-day affair.

      • I’m telling you, when it comes to snot and boogers, I’m like Ann Sullivan was to Helen Keller.

      • When I was a kid I read that book until the binding gave out.

  3. I don’t know why it is, but the snot sucker is the evillest torture device ever invented by man.

    Reply

  4. I don’t know why it is, but the snot sucker is the evillest torture device ever invented by man.

    Reply

  5. You know, my dad used to JAM that nose plunger in my nose when I was a baby and I STILL remember how much it hurt (not saying you’re jamming it, just saying that it hurts) 🙂
    So, hide that plunger and the Grover book if I’m ever a guest in your lovely home 😉

    Reply

  6. You know, my dad used to JAM that nose plunger in my nose when I was a baby and I STILL remember how much it hurt (not saying you’re jamming it, just saying that it hurts) 🙂
    So, hide that plunger and the Grover book if I’m ever a guest in your lovely home 😉

    Reply

  7. The nose-vacuum, as we call it here, is one of Bonzo’s favorite toys as long as we’re not using it on him. He’ll even stick it up his nose and grin. But heaven forbid we use it for its intended purpose.
    Just the other day (we are in the middle of a month long snotfest) I finally started teaching him to blow his nose. I’ll be so thrilled when we can get rid of the snot-sucker entirely.
    I have no comment for the buck-passing mom. Just no comment.

    Reply

  8. The nose-vacuum, as we call it here, is one of Bonzo’s favorite toys as long as we’re not using it on him. He’ll even stick it up his nose and grin. But heaven forbid we use it for its intended purpose.
    Just the other day (we are in the middle of a month long snotfest) I finally started teaching him to blow his nose. I’ll be so thrilled when we can get rid of the snot-sucker entirely.
    I have no comment for the buck-passing mom. Just no comment.

    Reply

    • Alden likes to hold a tissue up to his nose and blow raspberries. Then he waits for applause.
      He does love to play with the snot sucker. I’ll hand it to him and he’s all smiles. And then he’s shocked when I use it on him. Even though I never let him play with it unless I’m about to put it into action.

      Reply

      • It never ceases to amaze me; sometimes their memory is long, other times wretchedly short. For instance, right now the Bug is appalled (appalled!!) that we’re asking him to go to sleep. He’s on a major sleep strike. It’s as if we have never requested this before.
        Bug carries around the snot sucker and occasionally tries to use it on the stuffed animals. Hm.

      • I love the outrage.
        “What?! You want to change my diaper??? Have you lost your mind???”

  9. Anya hated the nose bulb so much that even at three months she would burst into tears when she saw it. They all hate it. You’d think they’d be grateful, but no. 🙂
    *snicker* Damon should have told her that he charges by the hour to watch other people’s kids.

    Reply

  10. Anya hated the nose bulb so much that even at three months she would burst into tears when she saw it. They all hate it. You’d think they’d be grateful, but no. 🙂
    *snicker* Damon should have told her that he charges by the hour to watch other people’s kids.

    Reply

    • He should have sat her kid right down in the middle of the fountain. I guess he would have, if he’d have realized he was in charge.
      The thing that kills me is that I feel so sure that if he would have collared that kid then the mom would have said he should mind his own business.

      Reply

  11. Well, would you like your nose sucked? Maybe he’s just squicked out! 😉

    Reply

  12. Well, would you like your nose sucked? Maybe he’s just squicked out! 😉

    Reply

  13. The bath trick is a new one on me. I shall try it!

    Reply

  14. Why? Why? I’m sure it’s not pleasant, but still… He cries harder than when he gets a shot.

    Reply

  15. That does sound unpleasant.
    I will add it to the list.

    Reply

  16. Alden likes to hold a tissue up to his nose and blow raspberries. Then he waits for applause.
    He does love to play with the snot sucker. I’ll hand it to him and he’s all smiles. And then he’s shocked when I use it on him. Even though I never let him play with it unless I’m about to put it into action.

    Reply

  17. He should have sat her kid right down in the middle of the fountain. I guess he would have, if he’d have realized he was in charge.
    The thing that kills me is that I feel so sure that if he would have collared that kid then the mom would have said he should mind his own business.

    Reply

  18. You clearly give him credit for more delicacy of sentiment than he deserves.

    Reply

  19. It never ceases to amaze me; sometimes their memory is long, other times wretchedly short. For instance, right now the Bug is appalled (appalled!!) that we’re asking him to go to sleep. He’s on a major sleep strike. It’s as if we have never requested this before.
    Bug carries around the snot sucker and occasionally tries to use it on the stuffed animals. Hm.

    Reply

  20. Back when the George babies were little and I didn’t have a car, they’d actually come pick me up several times a day and night to come snot suck for them because I’m so good at it. Here, I’ll tell you how to do it with the least drama.
    Prepare the changing table or the countertop or wherever you’re going to be doing this before you get started. You’ll have better luck if you’re standing at he’s at waist level, and don’t put him on a cold surface.
    Put him in warm water for his bath and let him stay and play as long as you can stand it, with the door closed, because you want it steamy in there to loosen it all up.
    Take him out and wrap him in such a way that when you put him down on his back it won’t all be bunchy underneath him.
    Now. This part is important. Sing to him, and, assuming you’re right-handed, hold him upright in the crook of your left arm and walk him to The Place. Lay him down quickly, nestling his still-wet head firmly in the crook of your left arm and squeeze him up tight to your chest, with your left forearm reaching down his other side and your left hand on his left thigh. While maneuvering this, be grabbing the snotsucker with your right hand, because you want to quickly get your right upper arm over his thighs and your right forearm up his chest and the sucker into his nose, and be singing and cooing the whole time, which shouldn’t be more than about 30 seconds. Then swoop him up and rock him for a few seconds and proceed as normal.
    After the first few times, once you start doing it smoothly without stopping singing (and sing the same thing every time – I usually went with Christmas carols), he’ll stop wiggling and it’ll be a matter of course for him.

    Reply

  21. Because it’s coming toward his eyes, getting bigger and bigger.

    Reply

  22. I love the outrage.
    “What?! You want to change my diaper??? Have you lost your mind???”

    Reply

  23. This is a small goldmine. Thank you. We’ll give this a try this coming weekend.
    I have to remember to be grateful that he’s only congested in the morning rather than it being an all-day affair.

    Reply

  24. Interesting observation. I will try to mitigate that.

    Reply

  25. I’m telling you, when it comes to snot and boogers, I’m like Ann Sullivan was to Helen Keller.

    Reply

  26. When I was a kid I read that book until the binding gave out.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: