jaysaint Getting it all down on paper…

Spotting today, and breaking out a bit.

So while I don’t have the definitive “no” yet, I know what it all means and suspect I’ll have it in a few days.

This is a particularly discouraging round, as it is literally the first time our attempt has been flawless. No illness, no mis-timing, right position every time, the lion was present… I had a superstitious belief that once we hit it just right we’d be rewarded. And of course that’s not logical, and not so.

I hate these days. I hate the few days when I know I’m not pregnant but my period hasn’t fully started and my temperature hasn’t dropped yet. As soon as I might possibly be fertile I live like I’m pregnant. And right now what I really want is a huge glass of wine or six, followed by sushi and sashimi and Ambien, Xanax and crack. But because there is still a small, small chance, that I know won’t come through, I will live like a nun for a few more days. But I will resent it.

I am tired of trying to get pregnant.

I’ll keep trying, and in a few short days (if not sooner) my good humor about it will be fully restored. But not tonight. Tonight I am tired of trying to get pregnant.

As many of you recall, we’ve got an elaborate plan to make our two cats be friends that involves a screen door mounted in our guest room doorway.

A few moments ago all 20 pounds of Fat Sam was on the bedroom side of the door and having none of it. I heard a clanging-type sound, a loud sound, and raced down the hallway to see his big fat furry tummy plastered about three feet above the floor as he Spider-Man’d his way up the screen. Total splay spread eagle. I wish I had a photo, but my surprised laughter caused him to take the Neste Plunge.

Today’s loot:

— dark red cherries
— white cherries (which I’ve never seen before)
— summer corn on the cob
— new potatoes
— organic San Francisco sourdough bread

I’m trying not to eat all of it before Damon got home. And if there’s any doubt I’d do it, he’s already called to plead with me to save him some cherries.

I also delivered cherries, blueberries and sugar snap peas to James and Charles since they’re on day one of a two-week family visit.

I think I’ll curl up with some bread and butter while I watch more of The West Wing season four.

I’m going to make Damon get a second job just to pay our electric bill if he doesn’t stop leaving our AC unit on in the living room when he goes to bed.

— The sound mix on the Walk the Line DVD is horrendous. We’re alternating between turning it up to the proverbial 11 to catch all the dialogue and diving for the mute button to save what’s left of our eardrums when the music starts.

— Damon stands by his assertion that our visitors from last week are swingers, and that the weekend could have gone very differently.

— A reader of one of our online fictional diaries has decided that she can do better, and she’s taken the title, the story line and all the characters over to Blogspot and started writing it herself. Which she totally would have gotten away with if she hadn’t ADVERTISED HER JOURNAL IN OUR JOURNAL COMMMENTS SECTION. I wish there were a way to contact her and just nicely say, “Look, it’s got to go.” But she’s hidden her identity, which means I have to use our lawyers to ferret her out. And they won’t be as nice as I would have. I don’t feel too badly though, as she is a big jerk.

And now the harrowing story:

The boss and I were headed to Seattle on Wednesday for a day of meetings at MSN. We got picked up at the office at 3. We boarded our plane just after midnight. Then demanded to get off when we heard that we were waiting out a lightning storm and then were 75th in line for takeoff. We found out Thursday morning that the flight was eventually cancelled at 2. As I told Stacy: You know I’ve hit rock bottom when I’m eating heavily-fried food in a golf-themed sports bar located in the middle of an Arctic airport terminal. It wasn’t pretty. We did play a fun game of Would You Rather? (ie: Would you rather this flight be really turbulent or that you wind up seating next to someone who’s airsick?) (For the record, she took the turbulence and I took the airsick, but I did want to know just HOW airsick before my committment was final.)