Query

Tell me your stories about night weaning, if you would.

I’m not decided on when, but it would be good to have an idea of how. Alden will be one next month (yikes) and once we’re past that birthday I’m willing to consider it. Probably not right away, but at least it goes on the table. One factor is that we still co-sleep. I’m not willing to put him in his own room yet, but would entertain the thought of putting him in his crib in our bedroom.

Mildly interesting photo of our new dining room:

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30 responses to this post.

  1. For the life of me, I can’t remember exactly how that happened for us. Will ruminate on it. It was just a few years ago, it will come back to me.

    Reply

  2. For the life of me, I can’t remember exactly how that happened for us. Will ruminate on it. It was just a few years ago, it will come back to me.

    Reply

  3. Step 1: Remind Damon how much you love him.
    Step 2: When Alden wakes up to nurse, send Damon to him.
    Step 3: Hide under the covers so you don’t hear the screaming. DON’T GO TO ALDEN EVEN WHEN HE’S SOBBING AND MISERABLE AND YOU THINK “THERE’S NO WAY DAMON CAN HANDLE THIS! I NEED TO RESCUE THEM BOTH!”
    Step 4: Alden will eventually fall asleep and Damon will return.
    Step 5: Remind Damon how much you love him.
    Step 6: Repeat

    Reply

  4. Step 1: Remind Damon how much you love him.
    Step 2: When Alden wakes up to nurse, send Damon to him.
    Step 3: Hide under the covers so you don’t hear the screaming. DON’T GO TO ALDEN EVEN WHEN HE’S SOBBING AND MISERABLE AND YOU THINK “THERE’S NO WAY DAMON CAN HANDLE THIS! I NEED TO RESCUE THEM BOTH!”
    Step 4: Alden will eventually fall asleep and Damon will return.
    Step 5: Remind Damon how much you love him.
    Step 6: Repeat

    Reply

  5. our version of this had me sleeping on the sofa, and Curt in the room with Sweetness

    Reply

  6. Waitwaitwait…he’s going to be ONE next month?!? *counts fingers* Wow, that went fast.
    Here’s what you do: nurse him to sleep like usual, and then decide what hours you’re off-duty. During those hours, when Alden wakes up and cries out, you poke Damon, who retrieves the child while you put a pillow over your head.
    But probably a better way is Dr. Jay Gordon’s, which is pretty much the same thing only more methodical and gradual. Had I read it before Anya, we would have done it that way. As it was she was already accustomed to Pete being the one who would put her to bed and bring her to me when she woke up, so it wasn’t a shock when she saw him instead of me. By one, she was going to bed in her own bed and coming to ours around 2. Ez nightweaned himself, which I found thoughtful.

    Reply

  7. Waitwaitwait…he’s going to be ONE next month?!? *counts fingers* Wow, that went fast.
    Here’s what you do: nurse him to sleep like usual, and then decide what hours you’re off-duty. During those hours, when Alden wakes up and cries out, you poke Damon, who retrieves the child while you put a pillow over your head.
    But probably a better way is Dr. Jay Gordon’s, which is pretty much the same thing only more methodical and gradual. Had I read it before Anya, we would have done it that way. As it was she was already accustomed to Pete being the one who would put her to bed and bring her to me when she woke up, so it wasn’t a shock when she saw him instead of me. By one, she was going to bed in her own bed and coming to ours around 2. Ez nightweaned himself, which I found thoughtful.

    Reply

    • I know! I have, in all seriousness, stopped a few times lately to re-figure because his first birthday cannot possibly be this close.
      I love the link, thank you. That seems like a reasonable plan for us. I don’t know when I’ll decide to put this plan in motion. When he has a bad week (bad for us, not for him) and nurses all through the night I start to break down and look for a way out. But then he usually gets back on track and will just nurse once, maybe twice, very peacefully. And then I feel like I can do it forever.
      I just went to nurse him, as a matter of fact, and I laid there in the dark thinking, “This is so sweet. How could I give this up?” So clearly I’m not ready. Then again, check with me if he keeps waking me up 10 times a night.
      How old was Ez when he night weaned??? I’m calling Stockholm right now.

      Reply

      • He was probably about 9 months when he started sleeping about 9-4. I’d feed him at 4 and he’d snuggle back to sleep for a while longer. It’s funny that the one I had to night-wean fully weaned herself at 16 months, but the one who night-weaned himself was still going strong at 20 months.
        I know exactly what you mean.

  8. Posted by Anonymous on September 15, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    Yeah, What Steakums and Lemon said, only I would add:
    #7 – Invest in a $5.00 bottle of ear plugs for you to wear for your off hours. There’s no reason for you to be any more awake for this than absolutely necessary. Seriously. It’s NOT cheating.
    The one down side to this in our house is that the only form of night comfort B will take from me is nursing (not that there’s much milk left in here these days, but still). In his mind, none of the other soothing methods that he accepts from his dad are in any way appropriate for me use. Period. Ever. Thankyouverymuchforplayingthough. I fought this for a couple miserable weeks, and then decided that I just didn’t care. He could just have the boob if it meant he’d go back to sleep in 15 mins, rather than the 45mins to an hour it would take if he first worked himself into a monstrous lather at the lack of boobage. So, while he is ‘night weaned’ for 99% of his typical wakings (he generally wakes on his dad’s shift these days), if I have to be the one to go to him – oh, he’s in his own crib now – it’s boob or nothing.

    Reply

  9. Posted by Anonymous on September 15, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    Yeah, What Steakums and Lemon said, only I would add:
    #7 – Invest in a $5.00 bottle of ear plugs for you to wear for your off hours. There’s no reason for you to be any more awake for this than absolutely necessary. Seriously. It’s NOT cheating.
    The one down side to this in our house is that the only form of night comfort B will take from me is nursing (not that there’s much milk left in here these days, but still). In his mind, none of the other soothing methods that he accepts from his dad are in any way appropriate for me use. Period. Ever. Thankyouverymuchforplayingthough. I fought this for a couple miserable weeks, and then decided that I just didn’t care. He could just have the boob if it meant he’d go back to sleep in 15 mins, rather than the 45mins to an hour it would take if he first worked himself into a monstrous lather at the lack of boobage. So, while he is ‘night weaned’ for 99% of his typical wakings (he generally wakes on his dad’s shift these days), if I have to be the one to go to him – oh, he’s in his own crib now – it’s boob or nothing.

    Reply

    • Posted by Anonymous on September 15, 2008 at 2:40 pm

      Oh, also, do you know about “Ask Moxie?”, by chance? Lots of good data points to be found in her questions and comments, but it seems like pretty much everyone uses some variation of this or ‘sleep in a different room for a while’.
      http://www.google.com/search?q=night+weaning&domains=www.askmoxie.org%2F&sitesearch=www.askmoxie.org
      Hugs,
      Kel, R and B

      Reply

      • I can’t tell you how tickled I am to see you popping in here.
        I don’t know if you get my replies.
        I love Ask Moxie, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. I subscribe to the feed so almost never actually see the site. It’s a great suggestion.
        Alden’s sense of indignation sounds a lot like B’s. He just woke up a few minutes ago and Damon went in. Two minutes later he called me and I said, “You gave up fast” and he said, “Well, I started to sing to him and he punched me in the face.”

      • “Well, I started to sing to him and he punched me in the face.”
        Ooooh, we are having a couple nights like that, I cannot tell you how low I am feeling right now. But Bonzo’s mostly a good sleeper, so I really can’t complain.
        We aren’t formally “night-weaned” yet, I will still go in and offer him a boob if he wakes in the night, which happens about once a week. It’s a hunger thing for him, I think. Maybe time the weaning away from a growth spurt? Or offer a cup of milk at night? Or somesuch.
        I really thought that Bonzo was not going to hit that stage where he grabbed my chest and whined, and it’s happened suddenly at about 15 months. He has, just in the last couple weeks, become demanding enough that I no longer think we could co-sleep without night nursing. Does that make sense? I think timing may be everything.

      • I think you’re so right about the timing. He’s more demanding about night nursing now than he was a few months ago.
        Now is clearly not the time anyway. I want to give him time to settle in to the new house and routine before I even consider it. But I think it’s smart to wait not just for that but for another window where it would be easier.

  10. Posted by Anonymous on September 15, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    Oh, also, do you know about “Ask Moxie?”, by chance? Lots of good data points to be found in her questions and comments, but it seems like pretty much everyone uses some variation of this or ‘sleep in a different room for a while’.
    http://www.google.com/search?q=night+weaning&domains=www.askmoxie.org%2F&sitesearch=www.askmoxie.org
    Hugs,
    Kel, R and B

    Reply

  11. I read this out loud to Damon.
    He seems skeptical.

    Reply

  12. Co-sleeping modification: very valuable. Thank you.

    Reply

  13. I know! I have, in all seriousness, stopped a few times lately to re-figure because his first birthday cannot possibly be this close.
    I love the link, thank you. That seems like a reasonable plan for us. I don’t know when I’ll decide to put this plan in motion. When he has a bad week (bad for us, not for him) and nurses all through the night I start to break down and look for a way out. But then he usually gets back on track and will just nurse once, maybe twice, very peacefully. And then I feel like I can do it forever.
    I just went to nurse him, as a matter of fact, and I laid there in the dark thinking, “This is so sweet. How could I give this up?” So clearly I’m not ready. Then again, check with me if he keeps waking me up 10 times a night.
    How old was Ez when he night weaned??? I’m calling Stockholm right now.

    Reply

  14. I can’t tell you how tickled I am to see you popping in here.
    I don’t know if you get my replies.
    I love Ask Moxie, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. I subscribe to the feed so almost never actually see the site. It’s a great suggestion.
    Alden’s sense of indignation sounds a lot like B’s. He just woke up a few minutes ago and Damon went in. Two minutes later he called me and I said, “You gave up fast” and he said, “Well, I started to sing to him and he punched me in the face.”

    Reply

  15. He was probably about 9 months when he started sleeping about 9-4. I’d feed him at 4 and he’d snuggle back to sleep for a while longer. It’s funny that the one I had to night-wean fully weaned herself at 16 months, but the one who night-weaned himself was still going strong at 20 months.
    I know exactly what you mean.

    Reply

  16. I imagine he’s starting to feel a bit ganged-up-upon.

    Reply

  17. Ryan would be glad to show him his battle scars.

    Reply

  18. “Well, I started to sing to him and he punched me in the face.”
    Ooooh, we are having a couple nights like that, I cannot tell you how low I am feeling right now. But Bonzo’s mostly a good sleeper, so I really can’t complain.
    We aren’t formally “night-weaned” yet, I will still go in and offer him a boob if he wakes in the night, which happens about once a week. It’s a hunger thing for him, I think. Maybe time the weaning away from a growth spurt? Or offer a cup of milk at night? Or somesuch.
    I really thought that Bonzo was not going to hit that stage where he grabbed my chest and whined, and it’s happened suddenly at about 15 months. He has, just in the last couple weeks, become demanding enough that I no longer think we could co-sleep without night nursing. Does that make sense? I think timing may be everything.

    Reply

  19. I think you’re so right about the timing. He’s more demanding about night nursing now than he was a few months ago.
    Now is clearly not the time anyway. I want to give him time to settle in to the new house and routine before I even consider it. But I think it’s smart to wait not just for that but for another window where it would be easier.

    Reply

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