jaysaint Getting it all down on paper…

I know you didn’t know I was gone, but I’m back!

I took a quick press trip this week. It was, for the most part, a bust. But I did get to spend a little time up to my knees in a pristine patch of the ocean. A lot happened, but I’m putting this ill-conceived trip behind me so I won’t burden anyone with details.

Now I am blissful because I am looking at a weekend with not a single commitment. I lost a lot of sleep this week and I may compensate by spending days in my pjs. I got home last night around midnight and I have vague memories of laying on the bed whimpering that I meant to get under the covers before I laid down and it was too late now that I was already prone. Damon did not respond, as my lateness meant he was exhausted too (I begged him to borrow a car and come get me at the airport because I was going to flip if I had to make small talk to one more stranger — including the car service driver.)

I feel much better now. And there is nothing sweeter than sitting her on my comfortable couch, Lost on the TV, laptop humming, and Zoe with one tiny foot resting on my forearm.

I explained the overnight arrangements at the hospital really badly. Let me try that again.

If you go to the traditional labor and delivery floor, you will labor, deliver and recover in a private room. You’re allowed two people with you at all times. For me this would be Damon and possibly a doula. Once you’ve had a few hours of recovery you and the baby are moved to a post-partum room for about 48 hours (although you can leave early).

The post-partum rooms are semi-private, so you will have a roommate. Your baby can stay with you there 24/7, but your partner will have to go from 11pm until 8am, since there’s another person in the room. I’ve seen these rooms, and they are crazy tiny.

A private room is a theoretical option, but at a minimum of $400/night out of pocket it’s not an actual option for us.

I don’t want to send the baby to the nursery, even though they will promise to bring you the baby to breast feed at 2am. I want the baby to eat when it’s hungry, and to be cared for by its parents on the first night of its life. But I’m also overwhelmed at the thought of going through labor and then not having Damon’s help that first night. I know the nurses are there for you. Not the same.

So that’s that part of the dilemma more carefully explained.

It will be nice if we can figure out the sex of this little sucker so I can stop using “it.”

I know I said I would write about things other than being pregnant. No such luck this time, though. The problem is that it’s the most interesting thing happening to me.

Tonight we took the tour of our hospital’s maternity floors. We’re going to do it again, though, since every room in the birthing center was occupied and we feel like we need to actually see it to make a decision. Both the birthing center and the regular labor and delivery floor have a lot to recommend them.

Birthing Center:
— Your practitioner is required to stay with you for your entire labor. This is why a lot of OBs won’t use the birthing center. But ours will. She also practices with a midwife, who could just as likely be the one to do the delivery.
— Family is welcome to stick around for as long as you’re there.
— There’s a family room with a kitchen.
— Two-person Jacuzzi in every birthing suite
— Each suite has a king-sized bed and the whole family can sleep together after the birth
— From what we hear, the surroundings are really lovely
— You’re one floor down from the labor and delivery floor, so you’re 30 seconds away from help if you need intervention

Labor and Delivery:
— Each delivery room has a little Jacuzzi and birthing balls, as well as a rocking chair. The beds convert so you can delivery from a sitting or squatting position if you prefer.
— Women are encouraged to drink all they want, and to walk the halls.
— The Big One: This hospital pioneered the walking epidural, and it’s the only kind they do. So provided your doctor approves you’re never confined to a bed. Coupled with that is the fact that they have an OB anesthesia department and that’s all they do. So they’re in the hospital 24 hours a day and they only work with the laboring mothers. So they’re pretty much always available to you.

It’s a good problem to have. Two good options.

I would normally be a little more leery of the epidural, but these guys are among the best in the world so I’m not going to worry about that too much. It would be a great comfort to me to know that’s available if I want it. But the killer is that if we are on the labor and delivery floor Damon won’t be allowed to spend the night.

I don’t know what to do. Maybe there will be more clarity once we see the birthing center.

There are two things I didn’t expect about a pregnant body, that I’m currently experiencing:

The first is that maternity clothes makers did not anticipate me. My waste is huge, my belly is starting to bulge significantly. But the rest of me is the same size as always. I know, boo hoo. I’m sure in few months the wealth will spread. But for now, anything that will accommodate my stomach puddles around the rest of me. I feel sloppy, and I’m not enjoying it.

The second is far more weird. My stomach is asymmetrical. Noticeably. Especially when I’ve been laying down. If I lay on one side everything shifts and then when I stand up half my stomach is almost flat and the other half is huge. It all eventually settles back and I even out. It takes about 15 minutes. It’s weird weird weird.

In just a week and a day we have our big 20-week anatomy scan. This is where we get a good indicator if there are health problems we should see coming, and if we’re lucky we’ll get the sex while we’re at it.

Here’s something important: Ben and Jerry seem to have a new flavor. Marsha Marsha Marshmallow. There isn’t as much marshmallow as the name implies, which is disappointing. But if you can get past that it’s pretty good.

I worked a really long day yesterday. I was at home, which is really nice, but can also make it more likely that I’ll put in quite a bit more time. There’s just no big cue to stop, like riding home on the train. When I’m coming from the office, I won’t get back to working at home unless there’s something specific I wanted to work on. But at home I tend to just keep picking up one thing after another. Last night was particularly that way since Damon is out of town and so I had no distraction. Even Zoe was sleepy and tucked away.

So now as the end of this work day approached I ran utterly dry of patience. Nothing in particular was annoying. Just regular annoying. And yet… I’ve just had it. I find now, at home, that I feel a stab of irritation when the phone rings (even though I have no intention of answering) because yet another person is trying to get my attention. I was trying to look up a fun place for brunch in Soho with my friend Kari tomorrow and felt a powerful urge to slam my laptop into the coffee table when Google Maps took longer than I felt reasonable to load. I realized just an hour ago that the salon I’m going to tomorrow doesn’t take cash for tips and my first impulse was to think, “Well I guess their stupid policy cost my stylist $15! Because I am not going to go hunt down a cash machine in the morning.”

I think perhaps I will hibernate until I have to leave tomorrow.

After our fun brunch Kari we’ll be going to Century 21 to find me a fancy pants dress. I have a black tie event for work on Tuesday and nothing I own will work on my 4-months-pregnant body. My hope is that a perfect dress that will somehow fit me this time next year as well will magically appear. Because while I’m sure I’ll be more chipper tomorrow, buying a very fancy (and possibly more costly than I am currently hoping) dress I can wear only once is the kind of thing that can make me once again crabby.