Tag!

1. Go into your livejournal archive
2. Find your 23rd post. (or for new lj’ers make it your 5th post – this shall be the new law and all shall obey it.)
3. Find your 5th sentence (or closest to it.)
4. Post the text of your sentence in this post along with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 people on your friend’s list.

My sentence is: Maybe telling the story of my birthday will make me feel better…

I’m supposed to tag 5 people on my friends list, but I’m not sure how to do tags. I’m sure the explanation can be found on LJ, but I’m on a dial up so I’m unwilling to go looking for it right now. If you’re reading this journal, then consider yourself tagged. But only if you want to be.

Dose of Reality

My Mom called tonight to tell me that my cousin has breast cancer. She’s having a lumpectomy tomorrow and she’ll get a better idea next week of what she’s facing.

I keep having those stupid thoughts like, “But she is really really nice.” She’s generous and kind and gentle — moreso than almost anyone I know. So she definitely shouldn’t have cancer.

She’s one of those people who never asks for anything. She takes care of her mother, her siblings and her neices and nephews. I’ve never seen her demand attention, be dramatic or participate in a fight. So how did cancer find her?

Yes No Maybe

So tomorrow I have a follow-up meeting with the magazine that was poking around a few weeks ago. I didn’t expect to hear from them until after the holidays. That’s what the EIC told me at the time. But now I’m going in to meet the managing editor.

It’s so flattering that they’re interested. It could be an amazing offer and a great career move. So why do I want to say nononononononono when someone tries to poach me? I guess I get really invested in what I’m doing. And I’m an egomaniac who believes her own press so I feel like my boss needs me. My boss does treat me really well, and there’s a lot to be said for that.

I keep telling myself not to get stressed about it. There’s no offer on the table. I’m sure they’re talking to a few people. Tomorrow afternoon I could leave their offices and they’ll look at each other and say: Well that was a big fat waste of time.

I’m telling my team I have a dentist appointment. I’m hoping my interview clothes don’t give me away. I’ve been pretty polished all week, just to throw them off.

Needs Meme

Type “YOUR NAME needs” into Google and pull out the resulting declarations.

Jillian needs $57000
Jillian’s needs to do something besides her all alone, unrelenting mourning.
Jillian needs a place to store her personality while she’s in hibernation.
Jillian needs to get a card for Will Rainbow to thank him for helping us with.
computer stuff.
Jillian needs to report to meeting what time is good.
Jillian needs to talk Dorothy Lucy into showing us her stuff on this site.
Jillian needs to reassure him.
Jillian needs a snuggle.
Jillian’s needs a final count 5 days before the event
JILLIAN NEEDS X-RAYS AND HER MOUTH HURTS.
Jillian needs a fan club!
The doctors believe Jillian needs to rest.
Jillian needs help.

The Honeymoon Is Over

I’m back on the couch. I think there’s some value in the fact that it takes more than 24 hours to get home from Kauai, because it’s the only way to make walking into the apartment a real joy when where you’re coming from is, essentially, heaven on earth.

We had such a wonderful time. I spent the whole week in a sarong and I’m wondering now why we don’t all wear them all the time. I’m guessing if I head out the door this New York November morning I will get a clue as to why.

For nine days we had plumeria and hibiscus and pikake and hundreds of other flowers I can’t identify. As I promised myself, I ate pineapple every day. I also ate a lot of pancakes.

One of the trip highlights was a helicopter ride over the island. I won’t lie. I was good and scared at times. But it was stunning. By the time we landed I had cotton mouth from all the gaping I did. We zipped up over a ridge and suddenly we were thousands of feet higher, hovering over Waimea Canyon. We covered the entire wild Na Pali coast. We flew into a dead volcano crater. And we flew up to a waterfall and then did a straight decent, recreating the landing scene in Jurassic Park (all the jungle stuff was filmed on Kauai).

Here’s are two things that particularly knocked me out about Kauai. The first is that there is so much beach, coastline, mountain and jungle that it’s simple to fall ass backward into having any one of those things to yourself. There’s plenty. Anywhere in California that looked like any random bend in the road in Kauai would be fenced off, rangered, and feature hot dog stands and souvenir photos. The second thing amazing is that the islanders treat their land reverantly. I sometimes walked big, long, beautiful beaches and couldn’t find one single piece of litter — not a cup, not a can, not a bottle, not a cigarette. The few times I’d see something it stood out in glaring relief.

We didn’t spend a ton of time actually in the ocean. The surf around Hawaii, especially in the fall and winter, is rough and dangerous. I loved it, as the enormous waves crashing huge sprays onto the beach never got old to me. But there was no question that at many beaches your dip would be permanent. Our hotel was on Kalapaki Beach, which is partially protected by a sea wall. Damon took surfing lessons there and, not surprisingly, was really good. Even the local surfers were shouting their approval.

And now I face the day with no mangos and no salt water and no crazy chickens (they run wild everywhere there). Not a happy proposition. But having Zoe curled up here beside me compensates for a lot.